KIAYUEN

thankful

2012-01-30T20:57:00.003+08:00

dear whoever upstairs, im thankful for all that you've done..

crashed rather hard after full shift yesterday, slept at about 1230, woke at 7.
hmm, wake up first thing i saw was an sms from MOE,
"MOE: HYA KIA YUEN, you are posted to ANDERSON JC, SCIENCE (21S)
under 2012 JAE. Pl report to JC/MI on 31 Jan 12 at 07:30am."
tsk, so rude sia, type my full name. (just kidding yo)
so when i saw AJC my reaction was like "hmm... i knew it"
then suddenly i remembered people around me who were saying
"TJ, CONFIRM GET IN ONE" so confidently uh. -.-
nah, not going to appeal. but i thank whoever upstairs for his/her grace.
for letting me sleep till later, since he/she knows im an insomniac who stays up..

i remember i wanted NYJ instead of AJ at first, but i chose to put AJ in the end
then i was telling devy this when i decided to put AJ first.

if i go AJ, it's just a 15mins mrt journey. if mrt break down, can take 851, 852 or 853. if bus break down, can cycle to school. if dont want cycle, can just walk.
if i go AJ, after school can go NYP for lunch. if i want to shop there's AMK hub. if i want gongcha there's jubilee, if i want to study there's amk library.

i guess so, that's what's gonna happen. me and my after-school life (:
no idea how school life will be, but
comeon, im kiayuen. what can a school do to me?
i aint worrying about not having a social life, cause it'll never happen to me (:
and im just not so desperate for TJ to be hardworking enough to appeal (:

he who makes plans wants it this way, so it shall be (:

spent the last day of my holiday really well, met up with most of my friends.
very eventful, and enjoyed my last day of this 2.5months long holiday
but yeah, i've played enough for the next 5 school weeks (:

total i've earned this holiday: $1,376.80
that's so awesome i know ^^

alright, tonight i shall try my very best to sleep early.
a new life begins tomorrow (:

drug

2012-01-29T23:10:00.003+08:00

You're the sweetest drug.

worked full shift today. hmm.
can i not talk about it? okay, shall blog about it tomorrow.

oh speaking of drugs, attempted searching for sleeping pills this entire holiday
then i remember i was in watsons, i asked the counter person where it was
she was stunned, stared at me, and said "it's all there"
and points VAGUELY to the entire area. LOL

told myself that would be the last.
and it will be, till it all fully heals and disappears.

I don't wanna sleep,
I don't wanna dream,
'cause my dreams don't comfort me.

how's the taste of your own medicine?

cut

2012-01-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

please cut neatly along the lines

been feeling so messed up deep down inside recently,
so i shall just give myself all the way till monday to sort myself out.
i have tonight, since i cant talk on the phone due to reasons
and i have full shift tomorrow, have all the time in the world to ponder.

hmm.
i guess, that's the way things should be.
it's not about whether you know what sort of person i am previously
it is about who i am, and what i do, right from this point of time.
yeah, so perhaps some days down the road, when it all is better,
i'd consider opening up and telling you about all these crazy stuff.

no, dont take such a big step forward, dont come closer.
because you'll mess me up and make me feel so suffocated
sorry,

skies

2012-01-27T22:31:00.003+08:00

I think that's what's wrong with the world.

No one says what they feel, they always hold it inside.

They’re sad, but they don't cry.

They’re happy, but they don't sing or dance.

They’re angry, but they don't scream.

Because if they do, they feel ashamed

That's the worst feeling in the world.

So everyone walks with their heads down

Nobody sees how beautiful the sky really is.

chained

2012-01-26T21:54:00.001+08:00

all chained up

been feeling so fucked inside out upside down.

You can't hurt me anymore. I’m already broken.

Sure you can pick at the torn pieces,

but nothing will hurt more than that first blow to my heart.

So go ahead. They don't hurt. I can't feel it. I already went numb.

set me free of the chains holding me

holding it all in.

embraced

2012-01-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

hold me tight, though i know you're leaving

had rather long day outside. was out for about 12hours.

somehow, i realise it is much better when i sleep lesser.
been sleeping only 4-6hours for the past few days, but i dont feel tired.
alright, i have no idea what is wrong with my body clock, it's so screwed.
the more i sleep, the sleepier i get; the earlier i sleep, the harder to fall asleep.

anyway, worked this morning. i swear i was very inattentive at work ):
heh, cause my baby was at safra, SHOOTING ._. cool huh
ohoh! im working FULL SHIFT on sunday, oh yeah~ im happy.
actually, im just a crazy girl who likes to work full shift. it's not tiring! really.

at work i was kinda half emoing cause it's kinda boring ._.
so i was thinking about the past.. i asked myself
"if the current me met the past me, what would i say?"
i guess what i'd say to the innocent and immature girl back then was
"look, look at me. see these scars? see how broken i am?
if you want to become like me, then go ahead!"
oh well, what's done cannot be undone. nothing i can do.

not gonna tell you in details how my day went..

but sometimes, i realise that instead of making someone feel bad,
i rather keep the truth and hide my thoughts, make them feel that im at fault.
because this way, things are better and easier to deal with.

been talking a little too much about death lately, that everyone's scared for me.
i mean, OKAY, RELAX, im not going to do anything stupid or take my life now.
also talking about smoking drinking slashing and overdosing a little too much too.
so much, that today someone went to do some health checkup for me ._.
but eh, everyone, relax~ im fine! really! dont worry la~

it feels good when you have someone there beside you and give you courage.
perhaps you wouldnt know. but you made me feel so much more stronger.
dont do so much for me alright, i still want to be independent afterall.
anyway, im almost done walking out of those shadows,
just give me a week or so, i promise i'll forget it all.

anyway, to this big kid i met today.
thanks for accompanying me while i worked.
sorry for losing your keys
sorry i made you late for work
thanks for whatever that happened when i dozed off
thanks for sending me back home.
sorry you had to go back for your work on your own
many 'thankyou's and 'sorry's. and i know you'll say "nevermind" and "it's okay"
i really had a great day, enjoyed myself ^^

oh well, in short,
im being well protected :D

be my friend. hold me, wrap me up.

unfold me. I am small , I'm needy.

warm me up and breathe me ...

gorgeous

2012-01-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

black nails, gorgeous.

haha, went house visiting today, went to 5 of my relatives' houses today :D
went to 7 houses in total, including my house and cheryl's house
heh, i never knew cheryl stay so close to my relative! so cool ^^

went to everyone's house, and finished almost all the bahgua there :/
then i went to take my weight at my cousin's house, SHUCKS.
i swear im gonna go on some dieting. ._. all the bahgua :/

eww, so much to get off my chest, so little time online.

but that's not the end of cny 2012 (:
still got more houses to go, more angbao to get!

dragon

2012-01-23T20:56:00.000+08:00

i am a mighty dragon. RAWR.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

alright, according to the lunar calendar, i am 18 this year (: cool enough.

okay, note to self: watch what i type in this box.
it's the first day of new year, though my thoughts havent been so positive
but err, i think it's best if i keep those inauspicious topics out of this post

you know it feels so weird to be telling everyone happy new year and such
because just less than 1month ago i said HAPPY NEW YEAR already!
so i didnt really send out any new year messages, but i did reply la.

anyway, right at the first stroke of midnight i was msning devy and wandering
yeah, did crazy stuffs like 2am conference with them again
talked some weird shit, one was coughing like mad,
the other was eating. and i was just having sugar rush.. AT 2am.
lol ended the conference at 4am. ._. i should start watching what i do 2-4am

err, spent the entire day at my ahma house. 3 hours of sleep.
shucks, ate loads of cny goodies. calories all gained :/

ah well, with only 3 hours of sleep last night
shall TRY MY BEST to sleep earlier tonight :D

rainbow

2012-01-22T22:07:00.003+08:00

if you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain

was called up for work yesterday, last min, cause someone forgot his duty
so worked. was half stoning and emoing there at first.
then somehow heaven seemed to read my mind, it rained.
pool closed, so fooled around and slept.
!@#$%^ nightmare. sigh, i have no idea why. :(

i have no idea why, but i like to stone by the pool and ponder
i realise that im kinda pushing limits in my life, trying to see how far i can go.

was watching fugitive plan B yesterday, got this quote
"i have confidence in death, that's why i dare to do everything and anything"
i cannot agree more to this sentence. and it totally speaks my mind.
because if death is whatever that looms ahead, you cannot run.
what's meant to be. will be.

shucks, whats with me and the topic "death" recently..
got to watch my mouth for the next 15days,
or my mum will come down hard on me -.-

the night shall pass on, so calmly and smoothly (:
oh my nails are black ^^ like finally, but it's like shiny black -.-

im afraid.
dont ask why.

holiday

2012-01-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

it's a long, long journey..

before i start to relate to you whatever that's on my mind..
ten, Ten, TEN. JUST TEN DAYS TO START OF JC LIFE
no, im so not pulling my hair out due to stress and nervousness about jc life
in fact, it's the opposite, im actually looking forward so much to jc.
just that the fact that you have less days to play is rather depressing..

looking back, i felt that this holiday made me feel like a changed person.
i have no idea why, but yes, it makes me feel as if my world changed.
changed, for the better. and made my life so much complicated too.
but yes, the fact that i am seriously looking forward to school,
hmm, that implies that i feel that i have played enough, and hence,
i hereby say that i had enjoyed my holidays (Y)

this holiday, i've worked and at work i met an entire group of new people
(oh, side track, one of the swimmers gave me angbao today :D)
one of the reason that i enjoy myself there, is that the people are friendly.
i am rather amused, that i actually enjoy working as a lifeguard so much
though it wasnt as slack as i thought it'd be, but it really is good.
no plans to stop working, gonna continue working on weekends.

anyway, i kinda made a new realisation which made me love work more
there, by the pool. everyone strips. yes, you didnt read wrongly, STRIP
if you're working as a lifeguard, full time or part time,
once you put on the lifeguard uniform, you ARE a lifeguard.
but rather sadly too, i learnt that some lifeguards can be irresponsible. :/

if you're a swimmer, once you strip, no one knows who you are.
you can be a CEO, or probably just a housekeeper.
but once you strip, you're just equal with all other pool users.
you dont get benefits for being an CEO,
you dont get disadvantages for being a housekeeper.
simple as ABC, you are all equal in the water (:

been listening to loads of new songs recently, hmm mostly english
i realised, that after all that i went through, those ups and downs.
i actually can FEEL those songs. really. they affect my emotions actually
and what i think about the lyrics of a song, reflects how i view things
i remember scoffing at the song "perfect two". yes,
im not saying the song isnt good, i just cant think positively about 'love'

went to childcare quite a few times this holiday too.
my kayla really sleeps so soundly, but i swear she has attitude.
been going all noisy with the childcare kids, been playing games with them
i really love them, not for the attention they give.
just like what cher says, they dont judge you. (:
it makes me feel at home there too, feeling as if a giant there actually
those innocent eyes and immature thoughts makes my day ^^

if you ask who i went out with the most this holiday, it's LEWIS.
he's a primary school friend actually, but i only got close with him recently.
yes, nice to bully, but a totally nice person to have around.
(devy, im praising you, you gotta be so touched that you're crying okay!)
if you ask who is the most interesting person i knew this holiday. DESMOND
this guy, i swear his life stories really too exaggerating to be true.

i really like to say 'thank you' to every friend i have,
especially those that i contacted/met up with this holiday
because without you all, this holiday wouldnt be so good.

this holiday, i saw how nice it was to be taken care of
this holiday, i saw how innocent a person my age can be
this holiday, i saw how fragile a boy-girl relationship can be
this holiday, i saw, i learnt, i realised, i matured, i grew.

I FINALLY FEEL LIKE A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD TEENAGER ^^

nights people (:

calm

2012-01-19T20:49:00.003+08:00

calm my nerves

i have no idea what is wrong with me. no idea what i want.
when life is too dull and boring, i feel that my days are being wasted.
when life is too interesting and happening, i feel that the excitement is too much.

im gonna suffer a cardiac arrest soon,
okay, shall drink some water to calm my nerves.

.
..
....
.....

SOMEONE JUST STAB ME.
i only have one life, take it!

insomnia

2012-01-18T22:39:00.002+08:00

12midnight.1am.2am.3am.4am.5am.

insomnia was bitch once more, held me up till five in the morning.
the best part is, i overdosed my medication but i was not drowsy at all.
just lying there on my bed, with my earpieces, i listened to my songs.
one after one, then the playlist was repeated i have no idea how many times.

just too much on my mind now i guess, i swear i was really high.
i need to rant, but i have no idea where to begin.
honestly..

sigh.

believe

2012-01-17T22:27:00.003+08:00

save your heart for someone who cares

i was so angry that i was almost bursting into tears.
not, correction. i cried. but doubt you noticed.
to think i actually said that believed that you would.
seriously. i was actually so naive to believe your words.
putting so much trust in you, letting you into my world.
and all i get, is just you doing such a thing to me.

i asked myself. why, why did i even open up and let you in.
why, just why did i let a repeat of history happen.
thinking you were different, i let you come into my world.
but i was wrong, so wrong. you were just like the rest.
you are just like him, you totally are. just the same.

im so weak, i cant believe that i actually let my guard down.
i cant believe i actually let myself be hurt this way again.
honestly, can i still believe what you say?
i've lost confidence in you. i cant...

dear, you were right. i should have drifted.
i should have heeded you advice. look what's happened.
why, why are all guys just selfish jerks.

i really felt so hurt. i really am upset.
i believed you, took you for real, and realised that i was a fool.
too naive, too innocent, saying that i believed you.

why are things reverting back to the way it was back then

you know, when my mum questioned me when i got home,
i knew, that the trust i rebuilt since months ago is now gone.

flashes of my past played like a video on my way back
the struggle, the fight, the quarrel.
how i was late, time and again, in going home.
i remember, how that trust i built over 4 years, crashed.

dont worry. im fine.
i already been through losing 4 years worth of trust.
what is losing 4months worth of trust to me?

besides, im already numb to the pain.
my hand across my chest, i feel no rhythm.
i've lost it all long ago, so this is basically nothing to me

BELIEVE

i have no idea how to express myself but:
devy, thanks.

slitting

2012-01-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

a form of art that you ought to appreciate

love. obsession. admiration. or just trying to win the game.

Let's play a love game, play a love game.
Do you want love or you want fame?
Are you in the game? Doin' the love game
Hold me and love me. Just wanna touch you for a minute
Baby three seconds isn't enough for my heart to quit it

so, are you in for the game?

ice

2012-01-15T23:12:00.002+08:00

you're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul

a girl who loved a boy with every part of herself.
breaking up was the hardest resort she was forced to do.
heart broken, she can never forgive him for what he did.
but yet at the same time, she still had feelings for him
the memories and feelings she had with him were irreplaceable
but she knew she couldnt take one more step towards him
the girl learnt, in a hard way, never to trust anyone easily again.
wishing that she never met him so she would not be hurt.
she was half-alive by then, struggled, and learned to live.
it took so long, just to feel alright once more
to remember how to put the light back in her eyes
she picked herself up, grew stronger. but..
that scar remains, for the rest of her life, as a reminder.
to never let anyone in, to never let her heart rule over her mind.
for love left her with a shattered heart, and a pile of broken promises

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me,

Don't come back at all

drunk

2012-01-14T22:44:00.003+08:00

drunk, so that i dont have to face the reality.

worked today, hmm. another peaceful day at work i guess.
but today i felt really drowsy and i was probably stoning half the time.
was drifting in and out of "sleep mode", with my eyes open of course.

some really interesting stuffs happened today, some good "deed" i did.
this kid was pressing the pump (which he wasnt supposed to)
and he was giving me that "im challenging you" look.
i mean i know that kid, i told him to not press the pump the last time he came
he purposely did it. i was kinda pissed off, so i went to the father and said
"sorry sir, please tell your son to stop pressing the pump. thankyou"
/laughs. the kid was scolded by his dad then he blackfaced me. oh well..

ah, my headache is killing me -.-
seems like the whole world is falling sick with me.
it's a good thing i guess, right/ :D

on a random note:
scandalous couples behind that rock. ._.

okay off to read my ebook (Y)

mockery

2012-01-13T21:18:00.002+08:00

maybe im thinking too much: im being mocked

perhaps im just too sensitive, perhaps im just feeling too inferior
but i feel as if im being mocked, getting ten for my olevels.
yeah, i cant help feeling this way, but yes i am really... urgh.
okay, tomorrow before work, i shall go somewhere to slack around.
find a calm spot, sit down, after whatever i've been through this week

i still feel for him. have been lying to myself all this while. that song really messes my mind. the whole flood of emotions just flow into me, overwhelming. i dont like crying. i cant breathe. the truth in life is.. memories remains forever. to stop reminiscing. stop living in the past. what's over is over. nothing will come back. he's gone, gone, gone, never going to come back. in a relationship, every memory is a happy memory. when a relationship ends, every memory becomes a heartbreak. i guess the way to live is to thank the past for putting you through all that so that you will have a better future. no matter what, be strong. after every tear, one less tear drop to happiness.

shucks, im feeling so weak tonight, weak emotionally, weak mentally.
and of course weak physically, cough and flu ._. thankfully no fever.
eww, just too much on my mind, but sigh, i dont want to rant it here.

damn, just ignore me i guess.
i'll be fine..

what doesnt kill you

makes you stronger

stand a little taller...

held

2012-01-12T22:58:00.001+08:00

hold me please, will you?

*sniffsniff* oh gosh, this flu and cough is honestly killing me.
and everyone's like trying to drag me to the doctors. HAHA

ohh, i actually took a nap today. wonderful :D
actually i overdosed my medication. ALRIGHT DONT KILL ME.

been staying home these days, life is just calm and blatant. :/

talked to some random friends,
realised that i've matured so much in terms of thoughts,
especially my views about relationships.. oh well.

morning when i woke up i straight do my submission for JAE
waa, shiok. the feeling is awesome once you hit the submit button
it seems as if all that long boring talks about where to go has ended.
no, to be exact, it's like an entire load off your chest :D
that feeling seriously rocks.
now all that's left is to wonder where you'll end up.

as i open a new chapter to my life, i suddenly feel so uncertain
im so uncertain about my future, who i'd lose touch with.. and such.

damn, lappy gonna hibernate..

ranting

2012-01-11T21:29:00.001+08:00

i forgot what love is

hi, i've been single for about.....half a year already. :D

okay, apparently im in a rather awful mood, so dont cross my path.
really, just too much that's happening. wait, my life's always been happening.
ah, that's not the point. the point is. I NEED TO RANT.
i'll certainly appreciate it if you close this window and stop reading. LOL

whatever man, im too tired to rebut. say all you want, i'll just listen.
if you think i havent done my best, then so be it. nothing for me to say.
im already feeling inferior enough, and there you are going on and on.
you know, when i told you my score, i so much rather you told me
right then, at that moment, that you werent happy with it and such.
it's better than saying you're satisfied then say i could've done better

truthfully, i can tell you, that if i were her, i'd really just get pissed off
i mean, really, how could you even do such a thing.
i know that im in no position to say much, but im feel unfair for her
though she's not saying anything, not showing anything. but yeah.
call yourself a friend. i doubt what "friendship" means now.

sometimes we just hope we can turn time back and makes changes to our lives
but sadly, we cant do it. so all we can do is to live in regret.
maybe we should look at it in another perspective, take it as a lesson
yeah, a life lesson. learn it, remember it, and move on

alright bye. im off to chill out.
im gonna surrender soon.

sparkling

2012-01-09T20:35:00.004+08:00

sparks fly

i am so drained of energy, really. but i have no idea why im so tired.
okay yes i am tired. but no i refuse to sleep ._.

cried, i have no idea what exactly i was sad over.
was it because it's a double digit? not eight like i hoped for?
was it because i studied like fuck then my physics is B3?
or was it simply because my mum said she didnt think i my best?

when i saw my results, i counted 5 distinctions. i was rather happy
but the only A1s i had was for both my math.
chem and both my humanities was A2.
languages and physics was B3.

okay, i shall now list reasons why i should be happy:
out of 8 subjects, 4 of them i received the grade i wanted.
it was less than 12, i should be rather satisfied.
err, alright, it doesnt make me feel any better

i feel so..........sigh
to be happy or upset, i have no idea.

thanks wandering and devy though, for taking time out to accompany me
lol, i mean yeah im upset but no worries, i am really fine.

when hopes are shattered

i swear having a fever is honestly no joke.
was running a 39deg fever last night, yeah THIRTYNINE..
wearing jacket, with long pants, plus blanket, and i was still shivering.
no joke. your body is burning but your hands and feet are numbing cold.

oh ya, kind piece of advice and a friendly note to self
never. never. NEVER let a paramedic know that you're sick.
the outcome is... waa, die better. just kidding.

drank herbal tea and took 2 panadols.
i really forgot when was the last time when i was so obedient.
cause the past times when im sick, i just overdose my medication.

anyway, thanks (:

mixed

2012-01-08T22:26:00.001+08:00

mixed feelings, mixed emotions.

i have no idea what i to feel at this instance and probably tonight
on this calm night where chilling winds are blowing outside,
i have only one thing on my mind. results.

it's unlike me to blog twice in a day, also unlike me to feel tired at 9pm.
okay, i am blabbering and ranting, and i have no mood for anything.

oh, clean toilet damn fun okay. i scrubbed until i had no energy left.
toothbrush, scrub, and cloth. :D now my toilet is real clean.
dont worry, i even scrubbed the toilet bowl.. (: all clean and shining.
okay maybe not shining, the house is 20 years old, cant get it sparkling.

but i have no idea why people feel that cleaning the toilet is a disgusting job
comeon, your house toilet leh. you dont clean, who you wait for to do it?
plus, if you feel that your toilet not clean, dont use it. makes sense?
scrubbed the toilet bowl. LOL so what if the water gets on you?

elated.neutral.upset.
i really wonder what my face will be like tomorrow.

anyway, im prepared for disappointment.
just that im free from 1130pm to 1pm tomorrow, anyone wanna meet me?
like sit down for a chat or something. if not i'll go school early find people.

shoes. socks. pinafore. blouse. nametag.
i.am.ready.

jiayou people :D

water

2012-01-08T11:08:00.000+08:00

water: the best medicine.

first and foremost, before i continue my ahma story from yesterday,
congrats to phil on passing your CPR test :D yay, jiayou for BM!
then you'll come AM then DA, lol go be a lifeguard soon too :D

oh yeah, yesterday morning i did ticketing,
so this woman came and i asked for the name of her kid
she said "JUSTIN CHONG". i was stunned, and i was like "WHAT?!"
flipped the book then ohh, it's JUSTEN CHONG :O
realised that parents are coming up with cool spelling for common names
(side track: childcare food is awesome, especially the redbeanbun :D)

anyway, realised that all the kids are very on time for their swim lessons
sour "they're not like us, late for like 30mins until coach angry"
yeah, im always running late, then i run and chiong and reach on the dot.
haha, 4pm lesson, 3.40 off comp, 3.50 leave house, run to pool.
that's my routine every sunday, and yeah today got lesson so yup *smirks*

oh oh, worked halfway yesterday then suddenly the lion dance troupe came in
the moment i saw it, to totally LAUGHED OUT LOUD. it's really amusing.
probably cause it's the first time im seeing such a scene, but it's FUNNYY
really..i was laughing. lion dance by the pool. what if they fell in? ._.
oh well, next year i hope they drop in :D push them into the water!!

HIGHLIGHT of the day come. lol
actually nothing much right, all i did was to help a boy stand up :O
i swear i mind blanked. i ran over, then i found myself standing by the edge.
i asked myself "why the hesitation? whatt are you waiting for? JUMP LA!"
then yeah, i waded over and pulled him up. the boy was in a state of shock la
he held on damn tightly to my shirt, then he was catching his breath ._.
i came out of the waters wondering what i was doing before i ran over.

didnt know what to write for report, so i asked hussein
he said "aiya, so easy, just write, got one boy struggling in a unique way,
the very alert me saw, and ran over...." HAHAHA. (Y) best.
so i saw zames did a similar rescue then..copy paste and edit ._.
haha, i copy until write wrong. oh well, report written.

first rescue, first report, induction, first full day.
it all happened exactly 1 month after i started work

I'm leavin' never lookin back again
I've found somebody who do it better than you can
No more making me cry, no more them gray skies
I'm leavin' never lookin back again...
Shawty i've found a new man
The one who's so so flyThe one to keep me high,
Have me singing all night

i.deserve.nothing.but.the.best (Y)

i told my mum i'd wash the toilets today, so.. (: bye

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
it's 2pm. im ready.

i'll be satisfied if it's 12 and below.
but im ambitious, i want less than 10.
my actual target is 8, which i wish it is.
it certainly will be best if it is a 6.

as long as everything's B3 and below, im satisfied.
perhaps other than combine humanities, which i've lost faith in.
but i really hope i get straight As, it doesnt matter A1 or A2,
i just want my math and sciences to be A1. can?

alright, now all i have in my brain is constance's line
"you reap what you sow" .....hmm, so...
i sowed 2 tys, 1 assessment, 4 years of other school prelim papers.
that's for both maths and both sciences. then... plus
sowed average 12hours of studying with 4hours of sleep daily for about 3months..?
fuck.

i did my best. so yeah.

shall type more later.

energetic

2012-01-07T23:04:00.002+08:00

energetic by nature (:

oh yea, just another word added to the list of words that kiayuen dislikes
sorry, but i dislike these words because of the unhappy moments experienced
before i get you feeling irritated that im not telling what the word it is..
okay, comecome, lets change the topic. (:

worked fullshift today. 13.5hours, $118.80. i know you're jealous. LOL
so much happened today, that i really dont know what incidents to talk about
okay, lets start from... the moment i woke up (:

when i woke i was.....high. LOL really, i was like "alright, full shift :D"
but as i walked to safra i was wondering if i'd end the day feeling fked up.
i mean, wondering if i'd regret volunteering myself for full shift.
breakfast, i ate sandwiches (:

oh, i was super early at safra. :D im always early for morning shifts.
(damn, morning 6am felt like it was days ago! :O)
uncle ali was best, he walked past me and even stopped before me,
without knowing that i was seated right there, looking at him.
haha, anyway, morning shift was with jason, sour and uncle ali

waa, the sun was DAMN BRIGHT LIKE WOW. reflection much
oh ya, collin ho appeared, finally know how he looks like :O
yeah guess who i met? insurance ._. wtf i nearly screamed when i saw her
sorry, i know im really mean but i cant bring myself to like her.
(okay good, im yawning le) anyway, she failed her swim test.
11:00:30. LOL she say she not gonna try again. so....im kinda happy.

had my induction today, after 1 entire month of working. :D
sour nearly fell asleep, i had a temptation to kick him awake.
anyway, after he went on and on about what we got to know for 30mins,
he gave us this form, ask us sign beside very column,
i counted! 38signatures! like some idol signing albums sia.
sour signed damn fast cause he was hungryyy.
waa, i had my lunch at 2pm. i ate chicken rice :D

changed over, then met eugene and sharman ._. they came for swim test.
lol, when i say i work full shift they all say i crazy
oh eugene and i talked a lot of random rubbish.
eh devil, he's from st gabs too :O
anyway, they passed the swim test heh, my swim test will be..feb or something

waa, entire afternoon was just kids trying to drive you off the edge.
swim class after swim class, i went the other side,
morning do ticketing until going siao liao. ._.

.
.
.
.
.
.

omg, can i continue this grandmother story tmr?
wait it's not a question.
BYE :D

warmth

2012-01-06T11:10:00.000+08:00

i need a hug, i want that warmth

FULL SHIFT TOMORROW, i have no idea why im so happy.
okay, maybe just feeling 'wow', after having heard people complaining over it.
FINALLY i get to try out full shift on my own and get a taste of it (:
alright, im being totally optimistic about full shift, then everyone's worrying ._.
i'll be fine :D 13.5hours only what! ._. okayokay, i'll shut up

results on MONDAYY, okay. ._.
throwing that to the back of my mind for now.
im trying to NOT worry about results, until 2pm on 9jan. bleh
realised that i'll cry either way on that day.
result good, cry cause happy; result bad, cry cause sad.
what's with my use of primary school english ._.

went J8 to celebrate wandering's birthday today with devy and blur :D
was at haagendazs to disturb retarded cause he is working LOL
anyway, it was really stupid, i asked wandering to bring lighter for his own cake
ate fondueee :D had loads of fun actually, swear wandering and devy are (Y)
anyway, wandered off to a random carpark cause daron wants to suntan
then we headed off to......................GONGCHA :D
i swear i'll order 100% next time. (: its so much sweeter HAHA.
went to playground and randomly help this group of guys who were giving out flyers
cause y'know, i've given out flyers before and i know what they're trying to do
played swing and went totally high. :D

OH, finally did my chores. washed my shoes and my clothes. what a pile.
took me 45mins to finish them all. :O
scrubbed my shoes from grey to yellow to white, wonderful :D
as for my laces, they are white like new (Y) proud of myself.

read some of my primary school classmate's blogs.
stalked some of my primary school friends.
now im on sugar high..? :O lol

来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪
来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语
来最孤单的是我还是那么想你
来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己

damn, i cant view that word the same way anymore :(

stonic

2012-01-05T19:50:00.002+08:00

did i ever tell you, that i hate it when people mention what i blog?

okay, if i didnt, now i just did. i hate it when people ask me about what i wrote.

honestly, i always blog with that mentality that no one comes here.

hence, i write a lot of really personal things here, and yeah.

this blog is just here for me to rant and say whatever that's going through my mind

so if you find it hard to not mention what i wrote, then time for you to stop reading

a little emotionless

went to childcare today, only to find the kids all taking their nap.
they were all sleeping just so soundly. couldnt help watching them sleep.
really, somehow, their innocence makes me feel so awed.
just there, sleeping, no worries.. nothing. sigh, that was long long ago

kinda had a heart-to-heart talk with cher, realised im not alone.
somehow, after all that we've been through, after all that has happened.
i cant view the word "love" the same way anymore.
now in my definition, love equates to hurt. just this simple.

helped xiaozhang organise her inventory by counting and drawing
waa, damn fun to draw the cupboards and really count them.
next time, shall ask xiaozhang if she wanna let me design the place LOL

oh, ate childcare food today (: the teacher is really damn nice
err, to be honest, this is the first time im eating childcare food
remember when i was in kindergarten, i REFUSED to eat the food given.
hmm, it actually tasted very awesome, though a little veggie much.

been skipping some meals here and there, that i forgot which i ate or not
best part, today i nearly slipped to my mum that i didnt eat lunch yesterday.
lol, time for me to keep track of what i say!

want a quiet night tonight, so i wont be entertaining anyone.
hmm, ohkay

walkway

2012-01-04T21:26:00.000+08:00

down the memory lane, back to last autumn.

fact, i have this list of words that i hate when people use on me
really, if you use on me, i'd probably send you a glare and get all riled up.
i mean, yeah, i just freaking hate them.. it's really a list.

#1: the word "prioritise"
okay, i admit that i am a person who really loves to multitask.
to be exact, most of the time, im multitasking. hard for me to concentrate.
i can be msn-ing, drama-ing, calling, texting and blogging at the same time.
yes, because i am just someone who does things this way, people get annoyed.
people are extremely sensitive when it comes to me hanging out with friends.
it's all by a "first come first serve" basis. unless im in an extremely bad mood.
actually plus a little "which activity is more interesting" kinda thing.
because i have a big circle of friends, i actually cant go out daily with them all
yeah, so there comes my problems, people get angry if im not..you know
childish in a sense, but i really can understand. but fact, i cant prioritise.

#2: the word "selfish"
you can say im rather narcissistic but really, i think im quite selfless.
im aware that the previous line will become a snide comment
or rather a sarcastic remark people will be using on me.. whatever
okay, yes, i know i maybe selfish at times, but im so not self-centered.
alright, i know such stuffs, i cant comment about myself,
but that is exactly what i see myself: i am not self-centered.
because i am the sort who would put other people before myself
it just pisses me off when i dont do stuff and people say im selfish
and it annoys me even more when people are self-centered. lol

okay, those are just 2. an entire long list to go, but not continuing it.
just fast facts on such random nights. i seldom open up and share such things.

so, olevel results are coming out on the 9th of janurary.
im expecting all As. really, i hope i get As for all ._.
i want my math and sciences are A1s, then languages and humans A2
if i get an A for geog or english, i'll treat shirlene a drink each subject :D
if i get A for my sciences, i'll buy something for my cousin :D
if i get A for my combine ss+lit, you can do whatever you want with me.
okay wait, that sounds so freaking wrong, i mean yeah!
for the entire week, whatever you want. but it has gotta be reasonable! :D

i told my mum, if i did well, i'll call her. if not, i'll text her.
if i dont do well, i'll go swim and cry in the pool ._. aiya, drown myself better.
ah if i didnt do well, i dont think i'll be talking for the next 3 days :/
if i didnt do well and im still smiling, i think you gotta check me already.
actually, results good or not, i'll still go out with YTX on the 9th, (:
sigh, shall not think about results la.

im sorry that i really hurt you.
sorry, i know sorry cannot make any changes
but i still want to say "sorry". sorry.

politics

2012-01-03T15:43:00.000+08:00

crushed and forsaken

i was on the phone last night till i slept, then i had a nightmare....
when i woke, the call was hung and yeah, i was breaking out in cold sweat.
ah, can guess what i said.. ._. but i have no idea why that nightmare again.
it's always the same, recurring, dream. details lacking in variations..
whatever, woke up at 230, then only managed to sleep about 3plus,
then 6am wake up go work, was super early for work today ._.

a cup of coffee, and a couple of rantings made. :O
somehow, confusing. cause everyone has their own stories.
nonetheless, i love stories so yeah, :D shall just keep listening on.
not gonna comment anything about what i heard. lol

anyway, the chicken rice stall uncle finally know who by "boyfriend" is.
LOL, cause today sour went to buy chicken rice for me, HAHAHA

1. snacking a little too much while im using my latop
2. X, i nearly fell asleep reading your blog post. it's FREAKING LONG. :/
3. olevel results release on......9jan or 10jan or 12jan? :O idk leh

看到地铁站里一片人海茫茫，充满着穿着校服的学生，
小一生懵懵懂懂的牵着妈妈的手，一脸好奇的踏入校内
中一生紧张兮兮的在妈妈的陪同下，一脸空白的走向校门
有的学生的脸上写着“糟糕，没写完作业”
有的学生的脸上写着“唉，开学了！”
而别的学生的脸上则写着“开学了！朋友呢?"

我不禁回想起，一年前，我是带着什么样的心情上学的，
我想，当时的我，或许再告诉自己要努力读书，把学业搞好
或许当时的我，在地铁上闭上眼睛，因为睡不够。
总而言之，一年了。现在单身的我，早上7点在地铁站，是去上班！

okay, been running a slight fever.
off to watch some shows :D

fretting

2012-01-02T23:11:00.003+08:00

school starts tomorrow, im not fretting (:

112 adult tickets and 63 concession tickets issued today, total amount: 476.70

slept for 10 whole hours, all the way till 11am today :D
best part was, a friend called me at 2am, and i have absolutely NO IDEA
TOTALLY NO IDEA WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT ._. still trying to recall.
wtf, that SH and that stretcher thingy la.. ): i'll never talk when im sleepy anymore
): ... the more i think of it, the more it bugs me ): pft.

anyway, i thought i'd go for work alone today, so i left house early
heh, when the doors opened, i saw a pink guy :D
23year old who drives a pink sports car *winkwink* sent me to work :D
(then im some hot babe who wears bikini and is real prettyy ._.)
inside jokes aside, (hey it rhymes) the "sports car" broke down halfway,
so we ended up walking to work.. pathetic but it's alright (:

hinthinthint! hint until so obvious that i couldnt ignore, so i just granted his wish

anyway, when i got to safra i heard that the new guy was already pushed ._.
then, uncle gary came to tell me that i wasnt on duty today..
oh ya, some idiots played prank, scared me totally. LOL
plus ticketing machine broke down, i was a clerk today.

ah, not gonna talk more about work,
tired and hungryyy.

tmr still got work :D

seventeen

2012-01-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

a perfect ending, a new beginning

i still remember vividly how i spent 1jan2011 0000hrs.
was fighting my tears as a watched the fireworks light up the skies,
cause back then, my phone was with someone, who was drinking at clarke quay.
2011, i grew up, i matured. i've learnt an important lesson: love hurts.
i'll stay single in the next 2 years, just as i promised my dear.
enjoy courtship.. hmm, i can count my confessions too ._.
because deep down, im still rather unsure if i've let go.
im still paranoid, and i dont know if im prepared to be hurt again.

31dec - 1jan went by rather interestingly.
but i have no idea how to express my days in proper paragraphs. ._.
1) after an entire month, i finally put on my running shoes again. ran 2km
2) last breakfast of 2011, roti prata :D
3) changed my bedsheets then returned fb his thumbdrive
4) watched drama till i was going to be late for work.
5) bathed, ate and then ran all the way to work, made it on time :D
6) at work, 2 vomiting, 1 missing ear stud to be found, 1 incident report written
7) plus a totally busy day with uncooperative kids and several members.
8) after duty, sour and i ended up in the water, hmm, shan't elaborate more.
9) came out of waters, showered, without a towel -.- cold like wow. ._.
10) met devil and wandering at safra, took my dad's car back to khatib
11) come home, changed, then left house to meet them both
12) talked loads of crap, ate icecream, drank coke,
13) counted down to 2012, then watched fireworks
14) sms jammed like crazy, attempted to drink alcohol, but failed.
15) devil scared miss last train, sent him off, drank coffee
16) came home, tired, fell asleep while texting.
17) randomly woke up at 3am. but fell asleep again. ._.
18) 6am wake up, didnt feel like going work, so lazed in bed till 7
19) parents drove me to work :D and i ate my breakfast okay :D
20) many people early morning. hah, someone dozed off :O
21) ate chicken rice, something went wrong, i actually told the uncle i got boyf
22) knocked off then went swimming, swam loads :D hehe,
23) okay now im home, and here i am.

01012012.
a new beginning, a new starting, a new chapter of my life.
it'll certainly be more exciting, more awesome and better than 2011.

lets say goodbye to screwed up lives,
and hello to better and happier lives.

winter

2011-12-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

it's like a *snap!* and i can get you head over heels for me.

you're like the sun in a winter season

waa, since christmas till now, i think i really walked a lot.
yesterday and on christmas, i walked from orchard to dhobygaut
then today, i walked bugis street. wanted to buy clothes,
found nothing, saw nothing nice, didnt buy anything.
sigh, new year shopping = DISASTER ):

yesterday i went safra yishun to find my darling :D
heh, my girlf pretty as ever, omg i sound so freaking les :/
seriously ah dear, you anyhow throw the ball still get strike leh!
the first time i play, i tried to throw nicely, still in the end all gutter. LOL

met des, then he played pool with my girlf and wx.
oms, that wx keep having his hands around my girlf! i jealous ):
eee, i forgot when the last time a guy hugged me sia!
okay wait, is a guy hugged me, TIGHTLY. and i hugged back.
err, okay, dont get the wrong idea, im not asking for hugs ._.
dont remember when the last time a guy hugged me,
but i remember when the last time a guy held my hand, yesterday LOL

didnt have to decide imax or digital, cause tickets were sold out.
we were just so suay. god dont want me to watch movie on that day
kidding, but everywhere we went, tickets were just sold out.
went walking around orchard. walked to dhobygaut, again.

from orchard to dhobygaut, there are THREE gongcha shops :D
i love gongcha. i mean i only buy GCMblacktea 80% but it's nice
picky eater, as always, unwilling to try new food :/
been a tea addict recently, but eh, i resisted the temptation to not drink!

today went with YX to bugis street. walao, people like to hit me today
damn annoying. typical singaporeans. only care about themselves.
wanted to buy clothes, but there is NOT A PIECE OF NICE CLOTHING
okay, as i said, shopping for clothes for me = disaster much.
worse come to worse, do what i did this year new year,
weekend before, grab someone, go somewhere, last min rush.

haha, anyway, i've got very random thoughts on what to wear for CNY
seriously random: skirt, heels, cheongsam. WAA, i needa sort my brain a little
sort it all out before i actually go crazy and buy. LOL

woah, tmr my coach got lesson? :O wow.
anyway, my own class starting on 8jan :D HEHE, im so happy
but result coming soon after that, IM SO NOT HAPPY ._.
before i start to worry about my results, SAYONARA~!

last day of the year tomorrow, may it end well :D
shall wake up early tomorrow and go for an awesome run.
probably lunch with someone, then go work,
after work come back khatib countdown :D
okay my plan sounds awesome (:

nostalgia

2011-12-29T22:50:00.000+08:00

just being sentimental

i admit, it feels nice (:

dont bring me to heaven, then you kick me down to hell.
i still remember how much it hurts. so much, so much.
okay, throwing all those sad moments of life aside.

ah well, finally the sea is calm again.
went through a tsunami ._. i really thought it all was over.
nearly broke down. phew, thank god it's all over.

today, i had an awesome day out (:
though we failed to catch the movie, but it was fun walking around.

alrighty, im tired to type on (:
that's all for tonight.

trampled

2011-12-28T12:56:00.001+08:00

trampled on, the rose, my dignity

note to self: REMEMBER TO BRING TOWEL THEN GOING TO WORK
cause the chances of me going to nua inside water after work is... HIGH
especially if im working morning shift. after work, jump inside water :D
and it's just so.....paiseh to keep borrowing towel :O anyway, THANKS (:

recently, the weather's getting better :D i very good sign :D
good weather = ask mum can cycle to work anot. i sian of walking le.
good weather = can swim more often, can go running more often (:

heh, so many people that i know came swimming yesterday :D
walao, yongen 2 lap timing is like 1:15, im only 1:41
he was so happy, that he refused to reset the timer ):
ah, cant wait for DA to start, miss those sunday classes (Y)

last night, i raged at whoever who crossed my path.
anger that i held in for so many days, tears that welled up all these while
actually still holding in, still welling up. hence the restlessness these days

babydear, we agreed to burn those stuffs,
when are we going to get those out of our sight?
so that we can start afresh, begin anew.

okay, im spent.

messed

2011-12-26T20:46:00.002+08:00

in my parent's room, lying on the bed,
watching tv, using lappy, texting and eating.
basically, im enjoying life :D

i call this "the leap of faith"

today, was another awesome day at work. :)

was on the phone till 2.30 last night.
and for the first time today, i didnt hear my alarm. :O
come to think of it, perhaps i subconsciously heard it and turned it off
cause my phone was beneath my mattress, but when i woke it was in my hand.
whatever it was, woke at 6.30 LOL.

waa, i THOUGHT my dad caught me jaywalking. but nah, he didnt :D
SO THANKFUL THAT THE BUS BLOCKED THE LIGHT.
lol, but my dad noticed that i was too aware of my surroundings -.-
then my mum was asking me if i arranged to meet a friend. ._.
ah well, was looking out for 2 people actually..

today at work, the sun was really great :D heh
hence the crowd... hence.......................................... no comments
was feeling messed up inside, so i began walking and jumping around
until in the end someone cannot take it, force me to sit down ._.

heh, it's so shiok to push someone into the pool okay. :D
got a little overboard though, threw his shirt onto the hut. :O
hmm, SORRY~ but yeah i know you not angry
.
..
...
....
.....
....................... im too tired to type further (:

i....believed.....throw....reminded....cher...deal....burn.........
bear..........cupboard.........so.........useless....
perhaps.......walked out............faster.......
seven...........going...........but.....pointless...

asjdkfhraueigjkv
messed.up.inside

YOU JUMP, I JUMP :D

enclosed

2011-12-25T22:45:00.003+08:00

enclosed in a snow globe, the world i want.

christmas eve work PM shift; christmas work AM shift
new year's eve work PM shift; new year work AM shift.
omg, time to get a life. ._.

i cant believe 2011 is ending so fast, 2012 is coming. jan is coming.
my results are arriving soon. im starting to panic too.
whatever day my results are coming out, the day before i will go swim
i will just swim non-stop, swim till i really tired, swim until i drop.
then i'll come home, collapse, then sleep. until the next day...
if results are coming out in the afternoon, i'll probably go run in the morning.
LOL, body building stress relieve methods of mine.

just got home. walked orchard to dhobygaut, with my dear aggie :D
it's like a routine now, christmas = walk from orchard to dhobygaut. LOL
we made a deal, every year christmas night, walk orchard to dhobygaut.
:D eh, we made a pinky promise alright. HAHAHA

with agnes, it's the usual, (: fun and laughter filling the air.
was in a weird mood so was trying to kp everyone there
eg, purposely walk before them while they try to take photos,
haha, basically, attempted to be a public nuisance. LOL failed.

and now, im tired. LOL
havent been sleeping well~

incorrigible

2011-12-24T22:23:00.001+08:00

monkey see, monkey do

i never knew you'd be such a bitch. whatever, now we know what will happen.
so if you're expecting a repeat of the incident, IT NEVER WILL.
totally incorrigible, totally overboard, so trustworthy.

back from another day of work (: im as much of a saint as you are, so yeah.
at least the tension and awkwardness between us was erased
we both know, just trying to pretend nothing's happening.

bleh, im so messed up inside, shall sort my thoughts.

interlocked

2011-12-23T10:49:00.004+08:00

to hold tight, and never let go

2years ago.. now.. 2 years later..
you may have all the courage you need for everything,
but when it comes to love, you'll become a coward.
im sorry, im so messed up inside now.

the thought of having someone by you, for you, with you... is really good
but...i really have no idea how to put my thoughts straight to you
seriously, it's so much more, so much more, so deep, so dark
if you know it all, will you still accept me?
besides, i REALLY REALLY REALLY have no intention to date, now.

urgh, so messed up, i really have no idea how to reject such a sincere proposal.

recently, i turned the clock back, to about 1 year ago.
there i laid, staring blank, thinking..pondering..wondering.
IF that happened.. IF this happened.. IF i did that..
so many IFs. no matter what it is, it already happened.

i CANNOT change whatever happened, i cannot erase those memories
i cannot forget what you did, let alone forgive you.
perhaps, i guess.. i've got to learn to move on.
it happened, it ended, so time to deal with it.

i cant keep running away, i cant keep hoping that i dont remember a shit
they just playback like a video player in my head, unstoppable.

december is ending..
urgh, what's with me, it's only 11am in the morning. ._.

stronger

2011-12-21T23:11:00.002+08:00

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger

what a day i had..

slept at midnight, then i just so randomly woke up at 1am.
received a text from my ex, asking me why i broke up then
okay, to be honest, i was bewildered. wanted to scold people
seriously, we ended 7months ago, now then you ask, abit fast ah,
but thinking about it again, i think...it's better this way, we cooled off
so now we look back at that relation and see what went wrong.

ah, then kinda thought of all those upsetting moments i had in life
best part, he said he was crashing then just goodnight.
i was like... WHAT?! you leaving me awake -.-
ah, then again, who am i to expect you to care?
insomnia was a total bitch, as always, so i was awake till 4am.
slept from 4-6, then.... i woke up le, LOL laze in bed till about 9. ._.

eww. been force feeding myself sleep, hour by hour, recently.
like i sleep and wake, sleep and wake, until i think i've slept enough.

woke up and msned workaholic. LOL ranted quite a lot
heard the same advice, same words heard so many times before
sigh, same word back, easier said than done. bleh

chat chat chat, became running late for work. so i was rushing and so.
when my lift door opens, i saw 2 guys at my void deck, LOL
just nice sour and workaholic here to send me to work
SERIOUSLY, wth, but yeah i was saved. or i'd be late for work

at work was another :D day beside safra pool
the waters made me feel really calm, after what happened at wee hours
i didnt feel sleepy despite the pathetic three hours of sleep i had.
haha, cause my leg was really really too pain for me to feel sleepy
then workaholic was best, forced me to put iodine.
hmm, when it comes to taking care of myself, i surrender (:

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

omg, dying of laughter.

skates

2011-12-19T21:12:00.001+08:00

drama on the ice

trained to stadium with workaholic. quite enjoyable to have companion :D
seriously, every conversation i have with him, i learn 1 new thing about him.
oh well, his life stories are just too awesome :D i like to listen to stories HAHA

OH YA FIANCEE! i thought you say you gonna call me? :O
im waiting for your call, ya! okay, not like you'll see this immediately -.-

had an awesome day with titus and my dearest baby
went stadium, of course it's for ice skating. :D
home sweet home with some blisters and bruises LOL
i fell like $%^ times, practically lost count. okay, maybe about 5-6? :O
the last one i fell damn hard, cause i was going quite fast.
slipped and landed flat on the floor. waa, i was so tired to get up.

bleh, ICE DAMN COLD TO FALL ON! :O
and it's super wet and slippery. and super hard!
but i finally can skate ABIT :D it's a huge progression okay
from barely able to walk at all, to able to skate abit :D
hehe, after every fall, you become a little more careful,
then in a matter of minutes, you forgot about the fact that you fell just mins ago

im tiredd.
that's all folks! :D

dream

2011-12-18T18:33:00.000+08:00

i was thinking about him, thinking about me
thinking about us, what we gonna be?
open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream..

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, don't wait for him to change! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population, and find someone who will treat you with utter respect. Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes and say I love you and actually mean it.

before i began typing this, i read cons' latest update.
a photo with the words "same time last year, was it really any different?"

yes, definitely, yes. i cannot agree more that this sentence
last year, this time, i was still attached. i vaguely remember much,
right on 18dec last year, did we quarrel? did we hug?
on 18dec, what a day was it, how did we spend it? did we meet?
no, yes? i dont know, i vaguely remember anything

i only know, december, the times.. those times.. those feelings..
i remember them very very clearly. mixed feelings, that's all i can say.

18 dec 2011, it's a new day

been keeping a lot of things to myself these few days,
bottled up too much, I FREAKING NEED TO RANT.
but even if i want to rant, i have no idea where to begin..

just a brief update on what i've been doing recently, while im not working..
also to bore my fellow dear readers with my..... so-so life LOL

on 14th this month i went to teach my junior amath at braddell macs
i actually solved amath questions without touching amath for 1month :O
WOW, im seriously amazed at myself.
free tuition for her anyway, (: i ate icecream, fries... LOL

15th, i got my lappy, (: went all the way to chinatown to collect ._.
met my 'ahma' there, LOL she's there to collect lappy too i think
oh, then we walked around OG, bought nothing that's worth mentioning..
when we reached dhobygaut red line, the train previously just left
it was 6.50 then, the time where the entire red line broke down.
took purple line to serangoon, circle line to bishan.
ATE OMELETTE FRIED RICE :D hehe, so nice okay!
but when we tapped in again. OMG, it's STILL NOT REVIVED!
bleh, reached home only at 9. pft

16th stayed at home and played my comp HAHAH

17th wandering came my house to do the class outing vids :D
waa, do until damn sian, i freaking swear not gonna do such stuffs again

today, went work :D pushed alicia tang in! :D HEHEHE
everyone missed the show,
then i went swimming with trex.

okay, shall end here, loadsa things to do :D

与其说我想你，因该说：
我想念那些甜蜜的时光...

snoozing

2011-12-13T11:32:00.001+08:00

a long sleeve shirt and a cup of hot water

VROOM~ the 4th day of work just passed like this
so far at safra, everything is really awesome. im really enjoying my work

went early morning at 11 to watch pool cleaning...
haha, i was kinda late, so i just went there for swim ._.
anyway, swam 16 laps :D FINALLY, after delaying it for 10days
in fact, the last time i swam was last month. :O uhoh

ohya, i went to play the water slide (Y)
it's super fast, and super awesome, and super cool cause it's me :D
haha, so this kid came down head first i said cannot
he very rudely told me "I DONT CARE"
i immediately said "IM A LIFEGUARD HERE!"
then... he ran off to the other pool. HAHHA

after swimming come up shower then i went out for lunch
BEST, no one was free to eat with me :(
so went to my fiancee's house, after packeting food from northpoint
left her house at 2, dunno what bus to take back to safra...
SO I RAN BACK. yeah, that workaholic was laughing at me.

morning i swam, afternoon i ran, was quite tired actually
so zames workaholic and i were working afternoon shift
work work work.. ._. ._. ._. ._. ._. yawn yawn yawn..
basically all i did was to sit at the lifeguard chair and hug my toys (:
i mean, i just sit there and hug the floats HAHA
and of course, greet people! :D friendly me okay (:

suddenly there was a swarm of bees flying in my direction.
LOL i ran off, everyone was laughing at me la ):
bleh! so in the end i just stayed at the hut :O
okay, i think i sound like a coward ): BLEH MYSELF

work yesterday was, as usual, filled with laughter and enjoyment
pool closed at about 7pm due to cat1, evil people wanna delay till pool close
bleh, so i sat inside office and... no coffee, only got coke!
no reports, just a phone to text, and no one really replies -.-
basically i was doodling la, and filling up this feedback form. wrote rubbish

when pool was reopened, there was no one, so we threw floats like frisbee
LOL. some landed in the middle of the pool... we wanted to push one another in
in the end i jumped in to get them la :) me is a nice person HAHA
got damn wet, so i changed into my swimsuit, told everyone i did a rescue (:
me rescued the floats okay! *innocent face* HEHEHE

after that i complain cold suddenly that workaholic become so nice to me
lend me t shirt then ask me warm myself with a cup of super hot water, ._.
ah well, XIEXIENILA~ :D

called off then we all jumped in to swim :D and play, LOL
bathe, play foosball, then OFF WE GO, GO HOME :D

a wetwet but happyhappy dy ^^

okay, since you so nice to me yesterday,
i finish the ep of running man, then off i go to accompany you for lunch!
since you this workaholic rarely wanna eat, and neither do you sleep -.-

got us closer,
i felt warmth inside :D

castle

2011-12-11T22:33:00.001+08:00

we walked into the same castle

yesterday watched apple of my eye with aggie, wandering and retarded.
HAHAHA have fun guessing their names ah~
but yeah, stupid retarded went spreading saying devil and i dating.
"that damn spy" - quoted from the devil. see! devil speaks evil

lame stuffs aside, subway-ed then watched the movie together
i SPECIALLY bought 2couple seats. HAHAHAH
it's amusing to see the staff's faces when you order couple seat.
honestly, i've not sat on single seat for about 2 years already,
I HAVE NO PLANS, EITHER :D hahaha. couple seat nicer! :D

那些年錯過的大雨那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

那些年錯過的大雨那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳緊緊抱著妳

the show was really funny. okay i mean yeah, it's not totally NC16
it's not even porn -.- and yeah, it was really touching.
sad that it wasnt a happy ending.. ah well.....
but it made me look back at my last relationship.

it made me wonder, if i didnt agree to your proposal then..
where would we be today? how would we be talking now?
is it the same as now, that dao and cold replies?
or is like same as back then, those happy and really normal replies?

if i hadnt said yes, would those painful times never come,
would i simply look back at us, with a smile and say
"aww, those very sweet days when we were close"
instead of "yeah, those days......." with a tear on my face?

a saying goes by "when in courtship, no guy is bad guy"
i totally agree. and here comes my theory about relationships
no matter HOW MUCH A GUY LOVES A GIRL,
just 6months, SIX MONTHS, it all will change.
after honeymoon period, every relationship will meet it's downfall

probably one of the reasons that made me stay single
because if im happy with a guy, i'd want it to stay this way
i rather say "those days when we were closer"
instead of "those days when he was woo-ing me"
it hurts like hell when i tell myself "曾经, 我和他..."

i. was. hurt.

你说如果早遇到多好多几分几秒你都要
我说那就加倍对我好你点着头给我肯定的微笑

3rd day of work just went past like this (:
i earned 61.60bucks today, YAY :D
im really enjoying myself at my work place actually
even if the pay is only 5 each hour, i still will go there
because the people there are just too awesome.
and things there are REALLY REALLY INTERESTING

today i went for work feeling really sleepy, idk why
so when i started duty.. i was already half yawning. HAHA
sat on the chair and kinda stoned every now and then,
everything was so peaceful okay. not much people due to the weather
oh, the skies looked the same from 2.30 till sunset LOL

today, uncle ali was talking more to me :D eh, he's totally friendly
zames and desmond... the usual la. HAHAH
zames was wearing this long sleeved lifeguard tee, looks so retro :D
desmond..... he blow his whistle n times, where N is a number...
i lost count! haha. but yup, seriously, safra has really good lifeguards
not saying myself. actually though they slack quite abit, they're really alert

okay, so starting was i just sit chair and stone,
uncle ali takes care of the gate, zames and desmond at the other side
about 4 i got bored, so started walking around.
i saw this guy, quite fair, about your height, very nice nose LOL
got a shock, thought it was clar. haha but nope

(speaking of clar, his birthday was 10dec la.. not 9th!)
joker.

4plus desmond then got me to look after the slide, LOL
kids got me real alert and feeling so awaken.
then there was this kid who topple from his ring float.
AND THE STRUGGLED. 3times! wtf,
first time i nearly ran in, 2nd time and 3rd time he got himself out...
oh well, glad that his parents were keeping an eye out for him

then about 1hour later desmond came to switch place.
i went back to sit at the base area. this stupid minkai came in
stand beside me.... walao, scared me sia -.-

soon after that i went for dinner, ate cai fan, with no veggie HAHA
that caifan guy was.. damn flirt. he was like "美女小妹...."
*goosebump* bought then he gave me discount LOL
i didnt wanna bother talking more, so i just paid la,
sat down to eat. CHOSE WRONG SEAT SIA!
sit right before the stall, cause all full. -.-
after that he came ask why never buy drink. kns also not you eat!
ah, whatever, i eat already faster SIAM :D
that's why i only took 15mins to eat LOL

came back went to close slide with des
that's where i begin my route to becoming the joke of the day (again)
desmond ask me try lift the marina with is on a trolly, only has 2 wheels la,
so i tried, in the end i jump also cant lift it. LOL
walao, that desmond push back to base, started his story telling
say bring me go gym train up, be some shero -.-
._. everyone was laughing hard. walao damn paiseh.
after that zames went out to eat, he ate for 1hr ._.
oh ya, desmond is... UNDERWEIGHT? :O

(cons ah, you also underweight ah! eat more okay!
you want OCK currypuff also no problem! but must eat your meals HOR!)

so i stood at base and talk.. plus complain i sleepy HAHA
then, that desmond best, go purposely play some slow songs -.-
everyone was watching me yawn LOL best la,
he say tmr 230 - 930 play those songs. whatthe.... -.-

then zames come back, wanna teach me how to do all the admin stuff,
i accidentally slipped. i mean i nearly fell. awesome lor, wth
but yeah, it all perked me up la. HAHAH /laughs at myself too

pool closed, we begin to try to throw all the floats
woah, i can throw to lane 3 only. at most lane 4,
NOT BAD.. LOL i thought i could throw to only lane 2 or something
HEHE, me quite capable afterall.. HAHAHA
NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHERE THE OTHERS THROW TO! XD

waa, pool cleaning is really awesome :D
the marina like some submarine. LOL
everyone laughing at all my stupid questions -.- who cares though! HAHA

after work pool close we went to play foosball :D
damn fun, though im a sucky goal keeper HAHA
play play play, then after 3 games go home.

came home bathe, hang clothes, sms, AND NOW IM HERE :D
bye yo~

tmr 11am gonna go work, watch them clean pool, swim abit,
lunch then i'll start work :D till 930 again. LOL

coffee

2011-12-10T10:39:00.001+08:00

a cup of coffee and two files to read, plus chicken rice

worked yesterday :D when i went in roy was there.
met kevin, told him well done about throwing roy in :D hehe
shook his hand, then he left, and roy knock off le

so i worked with uncle gary and ali. :O one 60years old and one 52 years old
but the thing is uncle ali doesnt look 60! :O he looks like mid 50 only :/
oh ya, uncle albert and that gym guy was there too :D
they left soon after i came anywayy.

few mins into working there was cat one, so pool closed~
haha, i walked down the aisle and began to blow my whistle HAHA
blow until very happy, then come back uncle gary say 3 times will do ._.
ah, nevermind, my blowing whistle was the topic of the day okay.... BLEH

while raining, i was inside the office, and smsing hehe
then gary came in and passed me 2 files, one is newspaper articles
another one is incident/accident report. and he made a cup of coffee for me
lol, first report: desmond neo. 2nd report: desmond neo.
his report is like.... WOAH, SO MANY MAN!
but minor cases la, nose bleeding, cramps, etc
oh ya, then uncle gary went out to buy chicken rice for me :D HEHE
ate, then pool opened once more, at 6pm

walkwalk awhile then i tried to climb into that hut,
waa, it indeed was shiok leh! sit there, behind got speaker.
as long as playing some nice song i like, i sure can nua there :D
desmond say if raining can geikiang go up blow whistle and ring bell.

lol, after that cat one pool close i began to use my whistle freely le HAHA
got this group of china men came, walao eh, attention seeking
just trying to catch my attention only. pedo smiles, /disgusting
they cant swim la please, next time whoever that does that....
i'll just direct them to other pool. LOL
"let them lim zui, lim the more the better~"
waa. my hokkien and teochew improving ah, -.-

what i did most yesterday: press the button to activate jacuzzi
eh, couples like to go there to hug and kiss :/
PDA at the bubble pool! but cause there got a lot of rocks,
so that spot is some blind spot la.... same theory
like dark alleys always got rape cases. LOL

aiya, after that pool closed jiu END OF STORY LE LOR~
haha i was supposed to check if there were any more females inside toilet
then that desmond didnt believe me, i told him he can go in
HAHAHA, he went in la, i followed LOL
pool closed, go home! :D my dad fetched me home

work morning must drag your lazy legs to safra
work at night the dim lights makes you sleepyy
either way, it's still very fun at safra :D
heard got this girl coming soon HAHAH.
when ah, i wanna go push~ :D

lol, yesterday was my ex's birthday. i damn good,
i thought his birthday was 10dec, but it's actually 9dec -.-
FAIL max. LOL idk why i remember as 10dec though :/

i still remember that sakura i had with your friends
i remember how i panicked, how you got angry
BLEH, hope your birthday without me this year was good,
just like mine, without you, but was awesome (:

waa, i starting to talk a lot of rubbish.
time for me to type in more proper english :/

todayy watch apple of the eye with daron wayne and agnes :D

BEST JOKE: member save lifeguard.

beast

2011-12-08T19:30:00.000+08:00

想问个愚蠢问题我们再这样下去你猜会走到哪里?

All I need is a big surfboard and a piano.

okay, being so random. me no needa surfboard, neither do i play the piano.
BUT IF I HAVE THE CHANCE, i really wanna learn piano :(
then again, swimming is always above everything else ^^

me blogging cause im SUPER hungry, but my mummy havent cook! :(
so im here to distract myself from my hungerr :/ HUNGRY ME
suddenly remembered zames and his 1bread ever 2hours HAHA

and yeah, that stupid guy pissing me off on facebook, total wtf
honestly, you may be one level above me, i ought to respect you,
but NO WAY, you seriously arent worthy of me being polite, paedo
STUPID, you just piss me off with your desperateness.

anyway, on a side note, guys named jason are just...
欠打欠揍欠骂欠扁欠踹欠掐欠我刮他一巴掌!
(Y) haha, that was a nice rap actually, LOL

但请你不要太快揭开还沉默的情话先让我多著急一下再终於等到解答
太容易的爱故事就不耐人回味啦像这样触电就够我快乐熔化
我们就耐心培养萌芽不要急著开花反正有长长的日记等我们去填满它
在被全世界发现以前先愉快装傻就这样触电一直甜蜜触电直到爆炸

been really lazy to organise everything that i download and save into this comp
to be exact, i've been telling myself, "aiya when lappy come then do"
songs not organised, photos not uploaded, videos not made.....
so i guess when my laptop comes i'll just spend one whole day before it
organise everything. that includes songs inside my phone too.
and before that, needa organise my table (once more) getting messyyy
everyday come home just dump everything on top
*takes a look* yeah, my swim suit on the table too. -.-

ps: when i type just "lol", i dont mean LAUGH OUT LOUD. ._.
im just so glad you dont have my phone number, wouldnt entertain you

Near total silence - 0 dB
A whisper - 15 dB
Normal conversation - 60 dB
A lawnmower - 90 dB
A car horn - 110 dB
A rock concert or a jet engine - 120 dB
A gunshot or firecracker - 140 dB
my whistle is 120dB ._. woah! but idk how to blow la~

不是我要跟你争斗只是刚好目标相同
我要的梦在你手中别怪我最后会让你扑空
黑暗之中上帝之手还在操纵两只困兽
我们的梦在谁手中为什么最后会失去吓我
然后看着你静静看着我慢慢跌入泥沼~
twinnie hurry go learn okayyy :D hehe.

9, 11, 12, 13: work
14, 15, 16: tutor my junior
10: movie
conclusion: the next time im free is.... 17nov LOL

drowning

2011-12-07T21:10:00.001+08:00

dont hesitate to close the pool!

my mum was even more excited than i am ._.
woke me up at 6.15 instead of 6.30. 出人命ah~
i slowly ate breakfast and walk to safra.
gosh, the morning wind was FREAKING COLD.
halfway through and my hands were numbing cold alreadyy

anyway, it took me about 30mins to walk to safra,
as compared to take mrt then wait for bus.. it's the same!
actually, i just dont like the idea of taking a bus there. (:

so i was early lah, and i didnt dare to go in.
walked about 2 rounds around safra :D
after that i just walked in, and i was just.. BLUR.
i stood there, like some little girl who trespassed some private estate
bleh, zames appeared soon, he went to do some checking

after that he gave me my lifeguard shirt, which is S size.
and it's quite big on me ._. i learnt that he himself took XS, wts!
8am pool open and people began to stream in.
i put up with that glaring reflection for 2 hours.
HAH! IN YOUR FACE ROY, TWICE YOUR TIME!
after that i bui tahan so took out my sister's sunglasses.
BEST PART, zames say i look like cat. -.-

wed yishun complex close for morning cleaning so everyone came safra
got A LOT OF PATRONS :O me got a jaw drop man.
so the first 2 hours zames and i just stood there and he talked to me
talked about A LOT OF STUFF, all about safra la.
the regulars came in all say "hello 美女帅哥!" haha woah~
VERY FRIENDLY, really damn friendly

oms, i swear safra is !@#$^% just total saikang!
saving lives is only 25% of the job! really! total wtf
the job includes pump room, checking water, slide operation,
ticket machine operation, letting people in via the gate, AND
to change notes into 20cent coins, helping people with lockers.
BLEH! checking algae (idk if this is true)
whatever it is, I GOT A SHOCK FOR GOODNESS SAKE

(PS: i want a bodyguard. /random, hehe)

aiya, then uncle albert came, zames warned me about him,
telling me about how he likes people to be polite to him :O
okay, i was so polite ^^ hehe. he's damn friendly to me actually.
then i lunched with him and this two other guys.
the guys go gyming often LOL damn nice la they, i mean very buff
zames ask me go deliver float to them -.- saikang max! :O
but zzz, once i walked out of the pool, they all light up cigarette
it got me so damn speechless ah~
zames was saying "eh your boy friendS bring you out for lunch!"

oh yeah, then there was this desmond guy.
HE TOTALLY...... *heartattack!*
his expectations are SUPER HIGH, makes me feel quite stressed :/
he's like "go tell them can only come down one by one!"
"dont hesitate to shout at them! give them warning!"
"if not, you just go there and say you close the pool!"
.... me totally shocked :/ but he's very detailed, really!
taught me how to operate the ticketing machine, collect tickets,
how to get a ticket that is stuck out, damn detailed!
he's like give you perfect tutorial one okay!

example: to put the tickets back into the machine
"you open this machine here, this key. *shows you the key*
*unlocks* okay, see, this is where you put ticket.
then you sort the tickets out before putting them in! very important
okay, when you sort the tickets, you can stand here,
cause from here, you can also see the pool, keep a lookout
okay, done le at, you take collect them all into your hand
now you take out all the weights, then put the cards in
but ah, you DONT put the weights back YET, show you why later
come, you try putting the cards in *hands me some cards*
okay, now all in le la, you take them all out. give it run through
*shows* like that, okay? and then, you SHUFFLE THEM
why shuffle? cause got hand wax ah. if not hard for tickets to come out
okay, done already, you put the weights back, *puts*
DONT YOU MIX THEM OUT OKAY! cannot mix!
or ticket will never come out! *put the weights back*
okay, now, i show you how a ticket comes out...."
then he went on to talk about how the machine operates

imagine! he brought me to pump room, check water,
ticketing, and a lot of other stuffs..
but everything he's just so detailed and he give me explanation too
AND as long as he can, he gives me a hands on experience. :O
ah, quite a bit of crap also la, what mend the drain, LOL
but he's a very serious person, too serious, too scary for me
ah, bet he's some virgo, PERFECTIONIST!
anyway, he's only 21 but married. TOTALLY WTH :O

oh ya, he gave me the welcome gift for all newcomers ._.
he ask me check water, i knew it coming, so i was careful
then i was safe, and i thought the worse was over,
SUDDENLY HE COME SAY "come, check for algae"
!@#$% i was like WTH, so i just let him push me into the water la~
lol, i came up laughing. then everyone came and say "WELCOME!"
aww, so nice and friendly, still got some lifeguard handshake HAHA

ah, ROY CHONG! i heard that you were THROWN into the pool sia~
waa, if i ever met that kevin guy, i'll go shakehand say well done.
who ask you scare me say got test! you got me so paranoid la!
got this guys swim butterfly like struggling, i thought is the test okay!
then i told zames he totally laugh. he was like "no wonder!"

sunday night i get to clean the pool :D HEHEHE
ah, typed so much. but first day of work was really really fun :D
made loads of new friends, handsome ones also ah~ HAHAHA
oops! okay, but yup! :D me cant wait to work again on friday.

meanwhile, GET MY SUNGLASSES and dry my clothes!

"hey! welcome to safra yishun~" (Y)
first day of work was: VERY WET!

i once drowned in tears

fighting

2011-12-06T21:14:00.001+08:00

with a huff and a puff and i'll bite off your nose

斗牛 is (Y) TOTALLY AWESOME, cant stop laughing
okay, the SHOW itself is DAMN INTERESTING, and quite sadistic
it's like, everyone's being beaten :/ me feel for them. HAHA
but what IM laughing over now, is the english subs
"first they beat me, then they put me in a bath to relax"
then another part is "of course." "of course, my ass!"
omg, i really really thumbs up at the person who did the subs.

bleh, as i said before, the BEST thing that can ever happen in a girl's life,
is when she has 2 guys after her :D hehe,
cause both they guys will try to *upgrade* themselves
so as to make themselves more worthy of her. :D

phew, can say yesterday was VERY SCARY.
imagine you walk past a place...laughing with some friends
then 1 hour later, a very serious accident happened there,
1 died and 2 sent to hospital :/ whoa.

okay, idk whats the difference between casualty and victim

WHATEVER IT IS!
got one victim for me to save tmr la! some safra test :/
sour BM level but got through, i AM so sure okay de la ^^
me shall not try to worry MUCH... till i see someone struggling tmr

me gonna try 6hours looking at water without sunglasses.
pft, go on and try to blind me with the light man! ._.
but i hope it rains tmr morning HAHAHA

aish, shall just be good and prepare extra set of clothes tmr,
cause i know i'll get wet. :/ i heard a lot of pranks.
and the whistle sour got for me is (Y) WOAH, 120DB :O
shall just be prepared. me no wanna get scolded.
actually, what im most scared of is to get scolding la. ._.
saya very innocent de okay, cry very easily de hor!

haha, okay im bullshitting :/

FIRST DAY OF WORK TMR, GANBATTE :D
sayonara~

obliterate

2011-12-05T21:03:00.001+08:00

anyway, SOURHEART! THANK YOU SO MUCH :DD
you're awesome, though i know you did so much because you love me
(Y) thanks REALLY APPRECIATED. from the swim test to shorts to whistle.
and also telling me so much about what im not supposed to know.

*******

to kill or be killed

no matter how much you know about this person,
there's always this one dark side of her that you'll never know..
and when that ONE DARK SIDE is being uncovered,
you find yourself faced with the MOST SCARY TRUTH about that person.

just uncovered some really scary secrets, unintentionally
i never knew you had so much going on in your life, really.
just totally dumbfounded when he told me. oh gosh

anyway, come to think of it, my secrets are worse right :/
so if im already so shocked at your secrets..... bleh.
cant imagine if you knew about mine, probably the sky will fall

it's like when he told me, SUDDENLY. SUDDENLY IT ALL LINKED.
i realised you've been telling me a little a little about it
you've been just hinting and hinting about it,
but i just DIDNT REALISE, that... yeah!

honestly, im just too shocked, too confused..
then again, who am i to feel shocked,
when my own dark secret is way worse than this?

Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside it's killing me
Cause all i ever want,it comes right down to you to you
I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

but so what if you've left, so what if im inconsolable.
it's now a fact that between us now lies a wall,
so impenetrable, so thick, so strong.
between us now, is nothing but that silence.

a cut was made. it hurt, terribly.

it healed, so slowly, bit by bit.

a scar is left, so beautiful, so clear.

and now what's left, is just time.

for in time, the scar will fade.

salty

2011-12-02T21:39:00.001+08:00

佳媛 -> 加盐
so it's not SWEET SIXTEEN, more like SALTY SIXTEEN

*off to edit that box in the top right hand corner*

it doesnt matter whether i turn 16 or not,
cause i know i'll still be equally retarded and childish ._.

祝我生日快乐!

heh, i know it's an emo song LOL

生日快乐我对自己说蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也融了我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你带一点恨还要时间才能平衡热恋伤痕幻灭重生

the first person who texted me this year was kiamin.
then shortly after midnight she came walking to me with my present.
LOL, apparently she found this pig-sagittarius. HAHAHA.

the second person who texted me was kiainn
she said "happy no children under 16 birthday" (Y)
then she quarrelled with my other sister over who's the first LOL

next was weiling and her SUPER LONG MESSAGE :D
heh, THANKS WEILING DEAR. hahahah :D
note: it's DEAR, not BABE. haha thanks for your angbao!
and you're the only one who gave me money this year (Y)
me lovelovelove you la~ ^^

after that came mehmeh's text.
HAHA meh, 2 dec you also happy ah, finally out of tekong.

then devil's message came next. :D
heh, im still looking at that handwriting and laughing.
oh, me got photos to blackmail you with.
and ya la, i recorded what you want, after your pesteringggg ._.
THANKS ANYWAYYYY ^^

blur's message came in next!
heh, RAINBOW LOVE YOU ^^
dont worry, i'll stay vibraint for you

then it was ahrong's
haha, naggy, as usual (Y)

oh ya, phil's text was AWESOME.
EXTREMELY heartwarming, sent from a ferry HAHAHA.
so nice, calculated the timing accurately! received at 1208 ^^
haha, it was the BEST ONE :D

then came twinnie's text that is in TOTAL CAPS. :O
so outstanding, and she plays so many roles in my life ah~

wandering's text was next. LOL
and oh, you dont worry la, results will NOT affect you de la!
you so smart, sure will do well de :D

FIANCEE texted next, asking me if i wanted a proposal ._.
haha thanks fiancee, the cake was AWESOME LA! :D
other than that fail candle HAHAHA

today was (Y), sang for 4 hours of ktv
it was much awesome as compared to that screwed 2dec last year
erhu grade 4 on your birthday, then 1 mark to distinction.
HAHA i really hate that stupid tester, better not let me see him ._.

i drank A LOT OF WATER TODAY. :O
went toilet 4 times when i was at vivo, LOL crazy
nonetheless, it was AWESOME HEHE

haha okay, im tiredddd..............

accomplished

2011-12-01T21:50:00.000+08:00

hi devil, welcome to my blog (:

there is always hope

pft, i went to check my traffic sources. guess what?
some stalker's been typing my name into GOOGLE SEARCH.
yeah, then the search results obviously links to my blog.

LOL, my mum said my handwriting is ugly -.-
OH! i received a birthday card today, PRICELESS handwriting
(Y) HAHAHA thanks devil! i may be picky but i like the card :D

checked my calendar and remembered that there's not swim this sunday
OHNO D: okay, shall ask phil to come out and swim on sat morning.
and i've still got pioneer's outing to organise, EARTHQUAKE!
swensen's earthquake (Y) heh, my coach owes us loads of ice cream!

helium balloons!

err, actually i scared of balloons bursting..

oh ya, on the 19th i went to do CIP at central library.
the fathers sleepover event (i think everyone knows about it -.-)
for that ONE moment, i suddenly felt that kids are SCARY.
they had some super violent balloon fight, running around.
jumping over chairs, screaming, chasing.... me is shocked.

night scenery @ the pod

actually the VERY main reason why i went there was to go up to the pod
heh, level 16 of the national library, if you're ever invited there,
YOU MUST GO! especially at night, the view is (Y) AWESOME
me show you picture HEHE, it's the BEST place in town okay (Y)

anyway,
CLASS OUTING: TOTAL SUCCESS (Y)
i was out from 11-8, was totally tired when i got home.
wait, when i say tired = legs tired.

when we prepared the game, it felt as if we were going against the cleaner.
darrell: err, put here?
daron: later cleaner might see and throw away....
okay, that EXPLAINS WHY the bottle caps were SO well hidden

feedback was that the mini games were a little redundant ._.
but heh, seems like everyone enjoyed the outing,
darrell and i had a good laugh over the last bottle cap incident.
and the SPY thing was (Y) :D

shall compile all the videos one day then upload (:
compilation shall start as soon as i get my lappy and settle down.
hopefully it'll be up by late dec.. ._.

today i went lunching with cyf. eh, he really looks DIFFERENT ._.
a bowl of fishball noodles and i knew so much more about you.
anyway, clementi mall got nothing much, from what i see.....
unless you're there to shop, there's NOTHING much there.
clementi library is ._. me like serangoon one more, got the cosy feel~

(okay, shall stop repeating songs. my sis is annoyed)

eh, the mrt ride from botanic gardens to caldecott is :D
lol cause i was standing at the front of the mrt,
totally like roller coaster :D so cool, I LIKE (Y)
fiancee, lets take circle line tmr k (:

today, i had another round of slacking at J8 with devy.
and i am a very nice angel, hence im NOT uploading photos.
it's okay man i've got 10 unglam photos to blackmail *smirks*

The reason why I don't speak to you anymore is because I keep telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would.

im turning 16 tomorrow,
but im still me (:

keep the faith (Y)

bearable

2011-11-29T16:08:00.001+08:00

still bearable

2 weeks after olevels. i just suddenly feel so tired.
i feel like going on some sleeping marathon,
just wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep... just lie there,
i really really really DONT want to open my eyes.

i just want to linger there, the place where we used to go to,
sometimes, i hope that once i close my eyes and count to three,
you'll be behind me, just like always. but my thought comes back to reality
80% of the time we're there, it's you leaving with an extra phone.

now i know why when people get out of love, they find another boy
it's like today they break, 3months later they're attached again.
not because they've gotten over, they need someone to distract them,
just someone for them to think about, someone to soothe that heartache

but what's the point, it's just a vicious cycle.
yeah, that's why people say you only love your first boyf wholeheartedly.
oh, of course also the last one too, the one you marry.
it's just stupid, using a relationship to cover up for the previous.

容忍的人其实并不笨只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人也是个坏人对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了这点痛我还能忍
我是好人也是个坏人分得够狠你才有藉口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩也不忍看恋人爱成路人

life's BAD. 4 of my closer friends are overseas..
fyi, i have A LOT OF CLOSE FRIENDS ._.
actually most of the friends i talk to are males..
it's not flirting, it's just chatting. LOL really!

go do a survey okay, when a girl's phone ring, 80% is from a guy.
and when i guy's phone ring, 80% it's from a girl.
i dont know why, girls dont entertain girls, guys dont entertain guys.
UNLESS they're less or gays then yeah im cool.

one philosopher giving some talk at indonesia, twinnie at malaysia...
both will return on my birthday
then bastard and my MSN buddy at china D:
both will return when i get my lappy i guess...
oh, ONE MORE, kiayuen's in SINGAPORE -.-

i still remember how my birthday last year sucked.

midnight, i had someone else reading all my birthday wishes.
cause my phone wasnt beside me. i cried really badly.
the next morning i went to meet ZP, he gave me a card,
very heartwarminggg :D i still have it, somewhere :/ oops!

then i went to take back my phone
(i swear, i'll NEVER NEVER NEVER forget about this)
slacked at home, preparing for my erhu grade exam.
sucked. i remember i was half stoning HAHA

YES erhu grade 4 right on my birthday, late afternoon. eww
best birthday present, i got 79points, when 80points is distinction.
root of problem: i wasnt in school uniform! *fumes*
NUS arts centre better be glad i didnt beat anyone up.
yeah, it's one of the reasons why i dont want to take grade anymore.
EXAM ON YOUR BIRTHDAY! if it's swimming exam, im cool.

but yeah, after that we went queenstown shopping centre,
some deserted shopping mall that is totally inaccessible.
i remember! i had chicken rice for dinner. quite nice la
my parents felt a little bad about how my day went,
but ah well, i was happy enough, that'll do.

for a moment, i wanted to read what i posted on my birthday last year.
then i remembered....................

okay
im off to chill. bye

violinist

2011-11-26T21:09:00.001+08:00

there are no difficult pieces

been sleeping all the way till 1030 recently, oh no :(
when i wake up, half the day is gone! D: ah well..
actually there isnt anything for me to do when im awake

i didnt really had the intention to blog today actually,
but my younger sister really pissed me off,
so it made me decide to hog the comp all the way till 9.30.

really, every time im watching drama or playing game,
she's just behind me, watching non stop.
it really irritates me everytime im being watched.
then ever now and then, she'd ask "can i have the comp?"
(oh she just did it again) sigh, rolled my eyes at her actually.

i still remember what happened when i rolled my eyes that time
LOL, nah, i dont roll my eyes very frequently alright!
if i actually rolled my eyes at you... nah, it wouldnt happen
UNLESS! unless you really went overboard, then...

PS: maybe im being sensitive, i think my sister's complaining to my mum
ah, who cares?.. err, actually i do alittle, hmm,
a small contradiction i've got here. HAHA

oh yeah, words i hate the most: 1) PRIORITISE 2) CONTRADICTION
just separate stories about why i dislike them, but YUP!
i get a little annoyed when i hear them :/

eeyer, blur never update her blog de D:
BLUR! if you're reading this! LOL UPDATE OKAY!
you must keep your rainbow updated on what's happening ^^

so fast, november's gonna be over.
erhh. prelims was a last-year thing, olevels was a last-month thing
HAHA i think i've played TOO HARD :D

oh, she asked for the comp again.
and she "shook her head and made tch tch noises"
HAHAH, chrysalids is a sucky book, but some useless stuff went in! :/
the fact that it's useless fully explains how i screwed up my lit paper
eww D: lit. pft. BUT! but lit is awesoeme alrighty~

i realised that i've NOT blogged about A LOT OF STUFF
haha, so my blog is OUTDATED, though it's UPDATED.
:D aww me is awesome lit student alright.

okay, shall stop here. :D

NEWS FLASH: JAE's ATTACHED.
kekekekeke~

mushy, disgusting, and most importantly,
HEART BREAKING. *smirks*

either you can play it, or you can't.

but no matter how hard you try,

you'll never outplay me

tracks

2011-11-24T21:53:00.001+08:00

my ezlink card is suicidal

pft you think i very willing ah. my ez link card drop onto tracks,
im not even asking you for money to buy standard ticket.
already paying it on my own, now what's your problem.
saying 我自找, as if i purposely dropped it onto the tracks.
i SUAY la! no need to scold right.
you just freaking want to see my cry over it,
or is it just you feel like using something to scold me.

if something drops onto the tracks once, it's just suay,
if it happens twice, i think you can just go buy 4D.
dropping something onto the tracks is just 0.0001% probability.
and it just happen to happen twice in my life. LOL
cant believe my luck. pft, just too bad.

went to daron's house to plan class outing yesterday.
HAHA tried out the games. SO FUNNY (:
i hope class outing goes well, REALLY ):
oh well, lets just hope it go well :/ GOOD WEATHER PLEASE.

looking at sleepover photos.. and playing tetris.
i think.. im just TOO BOREDDD :/

ps: devil, im awesome and your game is just biased towards me (Y)

bye, off to watch DRAMA :D

sleepover

2011-11-23T05:29:00.001+08:00

88th post.

it's 5.30am in the morning, WOW. morning people
actually, not that i woke up early...i didnt sleep at all :D
the last time i stayed up the entire night without sleeping was...
last year march, at the P5 camp. that's quite some time ago uh..

when it was 2am, suddenly my phone went so silent,
not a text, not a call... no replies.... NOTHING
i suddenly realised, that perhaps that's what my world is
that's what my world is, when everyone has their attention elsewhere.

probably i should be grateful that people are giving me attention
or if i make it sound ugly, im just still so attention seeking.
/sigh.

22nd november, dated on my calendar:
THE WORST DAY OF THE MONTH.

yeah, just this awful day, that i really wish it doesnt exist.
never in my life, had i ever faced a day, knowing...
knowing that no plan would go the way i wanted.
but nonetheless, 22nd november ended 5.5hours ago -.-

22nd november, grad night, red camp.
i selfishly went for... NONE.

i know that tension amongst us had been building over the past days.
i know that you guys might be unhappy
i know, i know, i know. but like you,
we all said, NOTHING, we mention, NOTHING. we did, NOTHING

that tension was just like a rubber string, ready to snap.
if it doesnt snap, i hope it'll rebound and hold us tight once more.

22nd november, i really really really hated this day
but yeah, it's over. it is now, a history. part of my history.

the day is gone, so should all the grudges be.
life hadnt been smooth, but at least.. the worst is over..
I HOPE. but yeah, i should learn to just be more gracious, right/

to forgive one another, to thank one another
sorry for being the root of all these unhappiness.
but thanks for not flaring up at me.

anyway, thanks devy for letting me rant,
thanks phil for giving me those encouragements,
thanks bastard for all those smiley faces,
thanks sour, for showering me with so much care.

because all you guys did, was just little things that makes me smile.

that door is closing, im just shushing things up.
deep down within, a change is taking place.
i really wonder, what i will become in future.

for in every person's life, there's this once special piece,
this one special piece that you'll never let anyone know.
if you find the truth of my piece, i wonder what you will do.

ALRIGHTY, 6am,
shall i wake my twinnie up for a morning exercise? :D
after that tub of icecream i ate at 3am....
actually, i feel like eating more ice cream LOL
BUT I'VE GOT A THROAT TO PROTECT :D

SLEEP OVER AT CONNIE'S = AWESOME ^^

sigh

2011-11-21T11:35:00.001+08:00

失去了自我

第一种, 就是完全爱你, 爱你爱的很累. 什么都为你着想, 你是太阳你是月亮, 所有的一切都是你, 已经感觉不到自己了. 你的思想就是他的思想.
第二种, 就是与你相爱, 被你爱的很累. 什么都受你管着, 什么都听你的. 因为爱你, 所以只能忍受被你束缚, 完全没有自己的空间自己的自由. 你说东他不能说西.

如果这就是所谓的爱，那爱情并不存在。
爱。太累，太烦，太快。我承受不了，也架不住。
被狠狠的甩了，被狠狠的骗了。我，学会了。

爱情，只不过是一也幌子。只有纯真无邪的小女孩会上当。
心中的那一道墙，稳稳的建立起来了。
你，想翻越那一道墙？想踏入我的世界？
别做梦了。

whatever, just....

DONT MESS WITH ME

i've learnt to keep everything to myself.
tyvm.

sing

2011-11-18T21:12:00.001+08:00

me and you, the most beautiful melody

HAHAHAHAHAHA my lucky star is just freaking funny.
really. the BEST thing that can ever happen to a girl,
is when she has 2 people trying to get her at the same time.
cause each of them will try to improve and upgrade themselves.
and make themselves even more worthy of the girl. (:

anyway, went CCA farewell today. it was so sweet (:
had some 'dont forget the lyrics' game. BEST.
somehow i kenna saboed onto stage -.-
i was like 'wtf?', i had to SING before the ENTIRE CCA -.-
err, hope it went well ba :/ HAHA i mean, i was in tune right :/

hmm, received letters, cards, and a CCA PHOTO :D
oh yeah! still got bryna's sticky candy :D
but im sad jillian the ahlian took the grape flavour one D:
pft! haha ah well, forget it.

went plaza sing.
talked, walked, talked walked... lol
i never knew ahlian had so much secrets! D:

i am a december baby,
with a unique surname with the middle letter 'Y'

alright bitch, you're also using the comp, arent you?
有种我看戏你别坐在这，
碍手碍脚，真烦人。

只属于你的签名和盖章 (:

curse

2011-11-16T20:02:00.001+08:00

with a bolt of lightning, i cut your world into HALF

ahhhhhhhhh! he's just so damn freaking cute (:
the drama's so sad okay. i cried! okay that's not important
D: im so sad, my beloved boy is already slapped 3times in this drama.
*scream* okay, KEEP MY COOL ~

anyway, i woke up this morning...
sent just this one text :D YAY. aim achieved.
(: "im only gonna breakbreak your breakbreak your heart.."

went to watch 2359 with agnes :D
idk why, but when liguohuang came out, everyone LAUGHED -.-
it's ABIT scary, but it's NOT THAT scary :/
okay it's just a mild level of scariness LOL

anyway, went to buy earpieces for me and this primary school friend.
OH MY GOSH, the earpieces comes with a 1 year warranty.
it's really AWESOME. i cant believe this,IM IN HEAVEN :D

and at stereo, they said they are selling this 99.90 earpiece at 19.90
BUT... actually, i think the one that's originally 19.90 is better than it

i was nice, bought constance her currypuff
and EVEN delivered to her house. :D

your threat never left my mind.
im up on my feet again,
STRONGER than i was before.

honestly, if you guys can go for that just like this,
why cant i choose not to go just like this too??

我诅咒你一辈子得不到幸福

wind

2011-11-15T22:30:00.001+08:00

你的个性和风一样，那么善变

woke up early at 8 this morning :D
see! it's not even a school day, neither do i have paper
NEITHER do i have to study, and i was up early :D YAY
actually, so what if im up early, i met my friend late LOL

so we walked ion, then went cine, then amk hub.
then we sang 3hours worth of kbox :D

omg my legs are breakinggg :D

too bad, im off to watch drama..

tmr, who should i date? :/

风只有方向，风怎么会有中心？

job

2011-11-14T22:02:00.001+08:00

look on the bright side and live life to the fullest

it's cool when you end your olevels with a good swim :D

well deserved swim :D YAY i've got my job at safra! :D

honestly, i never expected myself to be that fast

oh well, so yup, 4 sixteen year old newbies :D

there was this raffles swim team guy. (i forgot his name)
and another guy called clifford or something.
HAHA anyway, we all passed. i swam 9.36 okay :D

oh ya, lifeguards are probably the most talkative people
cause they're so bored during our duties so...
lifeguards talk whenever then can :D

ME NEED SUNGLASSES :D

okay, i wanna watch drama :D

eww, im so distracted, shall blog another day (:

ps: i freaking love professional car drivers :D

sorry, im just trying not to scream over LZY

OMG HE'S SO CUTE :D yay

MY LUCKY STAR~

swing

2011-11-13T13:27:00.001+08:00

dabbing her toes onto the cold earth, she walked backwards whilst sitting on the swing. Then, she lifted her lanky legs and lurched forward, ascending into the skies. with a surge of energy, she kicked herself higher

swing away all those sadness within you

荡秋千来回终究要停在原点望太远眼前幸福却忽略
晃半圈圆不了爱恋高一遍低一遍风就吹散了永远

还想为你摇秋千对着夕阳扮鬼脸若月光再美一点我们会否把手牵
还想被你碎碎念当数流星的配乐你却说你等不到天亮空秋千陪整夜

秋千和我失眠在你影子身边这公园太想念你无邪的笑脸

in less than 24 hours, this entire olevel journey is coming to an end.
cant believe i survived this 6month journey of constant studying
in this 6months, i've proven myself that i am capable.
i, am extremely capable of scoring straight As if i worked harder.

i still remember me sitting in the living room, studying on a stool back in june
already single then, trying my best to use studies to numb that heartache
back then, i seeked refuge for my broken heart by studying
june passed just like this, with me completing 80% of my study notes.

then in july, i remember i studied using my bedroom's table
because my table was still in an extreme mess and i was lazy to clean it,
using that spare table in my bedroom, i relied on sunlight to study.
when i was tired, i'd look up to watch train passing the nearby mrt,

august soon came, i now had a new habit of going home straight after school.
no galavanting, no dating, just going home straight for lunch then study
finally, i cleared my table, and i sat there 16hours of day, studying.
i trained myself to complete a paper with accuracy in answers, quickly.

the footsteps of prelims drew nearer and nearer as prelims drew closer.
when i saw how everyone was panicking, i knew i made the right choice
it was somewhat a blessing that i was out of love and studied since june.
review tests came in, life became extreme hectic.

finally, came october. the month i worked hard since june for.
prelim results came back, i received the best results i ever had in 3 years.
my friend was right "it's all about knowing you've outdone yourself"
i did, i was happy, motivated to continue. i completed all prelim papers

before i knew it, the gong that signals the start of olevels resonated the island
i was prepared, but scared. i was afraid that i wouldnt get the results i want
but i told myself that i've worked hard, i did my best.
i kept the faith, i never gave up. i hoped that i'd reap what i sow.

just 20days ago, i began my first of my sixteen olevel papers.
each paper was conquered, with me leaving the room with no regrets.
some papers were rather screwed, but it didnt bother me.
i've worked hard. i'll get what i deserve. god's fair.

the countdown to olevels began from 100..
within a blink, it became 60days..
before i knew it, it was about 46days.
and yeah, it was the next day.

so fast. time really does fly. it's freedom in less than 24hours.
if i get straight F9s next year, i will cry, of course.
but when im done crying, i'll just walk out of that sorrow.
i've done my best. so the results doesnt matter

whatever it was, i'd just like to say is that
there is a will, there will be a way. just keep the faith. ♥

tomorrow, i'll strut into the examination hall, proudly
ace the chemistry paper, and im off to envelop the arms of freedom.

my post olevel schedule is JUST SO FULL.
i seriously love it when my holidays are just so packed with acitivites.
honestly, i have NO intention of sitting home and just watching dramas
sorry, but it just makes me feel as if im wasting my life away.

monday, swim test. tues wed, going out. thurs fri, school. sat, cip

im merciful enough to not go into a relationship with you,

but i aint that kind to stop you from falling in love with me.

interminable

2011-11-11T15:30:00.000+08:00

11:11 on 11/11/11

I CAUGHT IT ♥

Hold your tears, No matter what the people say
只有相信一种坚持一种力量能把失败都摧毁
只有我绝对没有后路可退自由去追没有谁能拒绝
只有我超越极限你看不见自由的纯粹我能体会

okay, i've come to terms with the fact that im very reliant on my blog
actually, it's the only platform i can RANT to my heart's content.
life's tough, especially when your thoughts doesnt match your behaviour

the vulnerability of all relationships

我失去了对你们的坦诚，我真的办不到
心理的不满，我隐藏了6个月
希望你们能体谅...现在的我，真的累了
让我静下来，给我一点时间...

i wished for you (:

11:11 may seem so insignificant to you, but
to me, 11:11 is full of happiness, and sadness.
if you dont know the meaning of 11:11,
it simply means "im thinking of you".

today is 11november2011. i dont care if you remember, but
we agreed to spend it together, that precious 11:11 moment.
i still remember on 11may2010, i received my first 11:11:11 message
so happy then, showing everyone. taking photos, recording it down.

i once told you jokingly that when a message is received,
my phone is able to show the time the text was send to the seconds.
then i said, that it'd be great if i can receive a text at 11:11:11..
i remember how much effort you put in for that miracle to happen.

it was all appreciated, thanks for letting that miracle happen
seeing you having such a determination, i was deeply moved,
you spent a long time, trying to coordinate and grasp that moment.
one second early or late, it'd become imperfect.

11:11:11 message was always sent, twice, morning and night,
letting me know how much and how deeply you loved me.
perhaps as you said, it faded, because 11:11 messages stopped coming.
no matter how i wished my phone would ring at that time..

no matter how i wished and fervently prayed for it to happen,
it never did. or if my phone rings, it'd be a normal text.
so...yeah, so i eventually forced myself to give up
with zero anticipation, there would be zero disappointment.

11:11 is a time i put close to my heart.
it doesnt matter who i associate it with now,
but every time i see the time, i'd reminisce those days.
it's irreplaceable. i treasure.

MARINA BARRAGE

i took this photo okay! it looks so surreal though :/
looks like some artist painted drawing actually
spent 11:11, 11/11/11 at marina barrage, (:
it's sucha special day! of course make it awesome :D

right under the blue blue sky and green green grass
(oh gosh, my english is SO PRIMARY SCHOOL STANDARD D:)
i made a wish. :D i wished that... DONT TELL YOU XD
quite certain it would come true though (:

从此以后我都不敢抬头看彷佛我的天空失去了颜色
从那一天起我忘记了呼吸眼泪啊永远不再不再哭泣

stabbed again and again, till it bleeds dry

her heart was broken repeatedly and ripped and severed by the callous hands of fate. her life was broken, seemingly without mercy, with bliss perishing everyday and depression setting in

it took me all the strength i had, but i got back up on my feet again.
i've walked out, i've fixed myself, im repaired.
i dont know since when, but im used to life without you once more.
but it doesnt mean im ready to be broken once more.

so sorry to guys out there, if, AT ANY POINT OF TIME,
i gave you some hope and made you think i had feelings for you,
sorry but that was NOT and NEVER was my intention.
i really am going to stay single till..... im bored of being single.

im glad i walked out, cause i dont want to stay in there.
i dont want to stay in a hell-hole for any longer than i have to.
"the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak..."
nah, NOT APPLICABLE TO ME :D

i, kiayuen, am single, but totally UNAVAILABLE.
tyvm.

PS: i dont hate you

she held it in her hand, wielding it like a dagger

"when he least expects it, something is going to "happen"
i dont know what exactly, i havent thought enough about it.
he's going to pay. MARK.MY.WORDS"

but seriously, i cant believe someone would be so stupid.
i mean, who would even want themselves to be eaten -.-
you placed yourself on my dining plate. hmmm....

round #2. READY..GO!

因为你阻止不了我

comets

2011-11-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

像流星划过后下坠

this is the 80th post. as much as i want to rant
about the number of posts it should be, IF you havent
Deleted..i've decided not to actually :/
honestly, what good will it do to me if i just keep harping on the past.

sigh, i wonder if i should give myself a limit to what i post..
or should i just privatise the blog OR just create another private blog.
WHATEVERR. i just want to say,
dont judge me based on what i blog. dont, really.
because....im just me, the me that you know (:

yawns, went swimming today, HAD LOADS OF FUN :D
pioneers are going out, for a swensens earthquake :D
then, we AM students have another round of earthquake. :D
that's the benefits of being a pioneer batch uh!
every exam you pass, you get an earthquake YAY!

went safra the other day, to book swim test.
oh gosh, the application still need to go to bank...
need get bank to approve !@#$%^&* RAWR.
annoyinggg. but yeah, who cares, for that 8/hr slacking job.
sit there shake leg and just blow the whistle at any one you like.
yeah, SO OFFENDED ME? WATCH OUT YO~
haha, better not go swim at where im working ^^

anyway, tried to time myself for swim test.
eh, i can swim 40secs slower! haha 10:19 YAY.
okay, since no one wants tuition,
then im gonna spend most of my holiday at SAFRA
clear waters, awesome wind and glaring sun :D
shall go get a pair of sunglasses soon too -.-

WHEEEEEEEEEE cant wait for olevels to end.
after work can go playy bball and and and!
someone fetch me home somemore! :D HEHE.

life's good, babe ^^

陪你去看流星雨落在这地球上

i'll be there to catch your tears (:

betrayal

2011-11-04T21:56:00.000+08:00

honestly, DONT MESS WITH ME. serious.

读死书，读书死！

phew, finally the hectic week down!
time flies, really! im only 10days away from 14november /REJOICE!
all im left with is human geog, higher chinese, physics and chem MCQ!

爱情璀璨后粉碎像流星划过后下坠
你把爱作废借口多刺耳迂回
你沉默流泪是不是无言以对
就算心碎就算崩溃就算难过那么深邃
别给我安慰那只是美丽的虚伪

BETRAYAL.
comeon! two faced. before me and her different attitudes.
you'd never guess we're the same person right?
right, at least i've got my point driven home.
i only want you to stay away, seems like you've got my point.
it's a '100% lies' policy. not a sentence said was true.

hah, success #1. honestly, karma then so be it. really.
i was just as much as a hypocrite as you are.

vitamin B that looks like decolourised M&Ms

but tastes so bad, far from M&Ms okay D:

fainted that dayyyy.................... (okay, i forgot date ._.)
anyway, it was kinda.. SCARY (plus abit of cool) experience
it was just greenish and your body just crash. LOL
some foreigner threw me on the priority seat (literally)
thanks but eh, i wanted to get off la!
before i knew it, i heard *next station, YISHUN*
then my thought was "aiya, at most sit to jurong east bounce back"
phew. but eh, LOWSUGAR, NOT FUNNY EH,
did blood test and ECG. then total bill was $65..
oh! all the doctor gave me was some m&m looking vitamin B.
so i was so bored that i put M&Ms in and took a photo ^^

the glistening water~

eh, believe it or not, my dreams are SO DAMN SUPER COOL!

i think i've dreamt of every swimming complex before.

HAHAHAH alright, im gonna go EVERY swimming complex after Os.

aww, I FREAKING MISS THE POOL NOW D:

cant wait to jump in this sunday~ :D

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. *plunge*

ANYWAY, AM CONQUERED!

plus, i've got the application for SAFRA! (Y)

all im left with is just that SWIM TEST.

then comes my way is a $8/hr job at safra, $8.80 on weekends.

AND ROY SAYS THAT HE CAN CYCLE ME HOME (Y)

hehe, thanks ah, sour.

today first time people cycle me home. (Y)

it felt so SHUANG! and im not heavy okay T_T

enough of seeing hearts shattered,

enough of enduring the pain.

i've walked out. finally. but...

really, really, really, really gonna stay single.

there is nothing left to say..

reminiscing

2011-11-03T18:00:00.002+08:00

an emo ahlian

smoke. wine. heavy mascara. leather jacket. boots.

WOAH, perfect :)

i still remember

when i hugged you, i like to put my ear on your chest.

it's so nice to hear that heartbeat, that rhythm,

as if it was saying "i love you to me"

ah, #reminiscingthosetimes when i was still in love.

oh at least, when i STILL believed that love existed.

i am 1month away from my birthday. (Y)

cant wait ^^ i wanna grow up :D

oh damn, i have so much to talk about.

hmm, SHALL LEAVE IT TILL THE WEEKEND.

for now, lets conquer ass-ass ._.

actually, after having screwed up lit.

I DONT FEEL LIKE STUHHHH-DYING FOR IT ):

bleh,

anyway, BETRAYAL.

it's a very sensitive topic to me :D

*whistles*

forsaken

2011-11-01T22:42:00.002+08:00

okay, a quick UPDATE

forlornly awaiting to be remembered

IM 50% DONE WITH OLEVELS.

oh yeah, i see the finishing line. 13days to freedom. *CHIONG AH!*

okay, im so high. it's 10:32pm, survived 2days with 6hours of sleep each

comeon man! if you think you're tired, think of me! T_T

morning 8am paper, then afternoon 2pm paper.

stuck in school from 7 till 5. like school day. D:

anyway, gongcha does wonders ^^ yay

EMATH- A1

AMATH - A1

FIGHTING ^^

anyway dear, it's 1/11/11 today.

here im gonna shout it out to you

ILOVEYOUBABY ^^

feminist

2011-10-27T23:38:00.000+08:00

hmm, so this is 456 days worth of update

IDENTITY

I might be your young girl but I know how to have fun...I got them boys chasing me trying to make me the one...It's like having a gun...But you gotta slow down you don't know me...back up off me...I got them going crazy you see, head over heels for me, weak in the knees for me...I'm much wiser than you...Just because I'm a teen it don't mean that I'm slow...you're turning me off

cause you're so. DAMN EASY.

一个我像不会累一直往前一个我动弹不得伤心欲绝
一个我在网路上朋友一堆一个我在房间里独自面对
一个我相信用心会被感觉一个我大喊真心会被欺骗
我不确定几个我住在心里面
灰色的音乐塞满黑夜 High的想麻醉忘了全世界
谎言吞噬了心带来刺痛撕裂的蜕变
分裂前的热泪分裂后的冷眼分裂中的心碎分裂后的假面
不快乐不伤悲情绪埋藏成了壁垒等待爆裂

it's nice sometimes to hide behind a mask
viewing the world with a different pair of eyes.
sometimes, i wonder what's becoming of me. really.
honestly, if you think you know me? no, you don't.
i swear if you ever know who i am and what i do,
you'll undoubtedly severe ties with me, without a second thought.
it's more than what meets the eye~

anyway, dude, i wont let her disappear so easily and quickly
neither will i let you off, without teaching you a lesson.
im going to teach you, to never meddle with a girl's dignity.
while you're having fun, you'll never know what plots there are.
i have plans for you and she will execute them, one by one, for me.

hi, who are you and who am i?

11:11

make.a.wish

11:11, wishing stars (:

this morning, 11:11 i was buying gongcha with my dear!

11nov, 11:11, i wonder what me and you will be doing ^^

really, 11nov is all that i look forward to now.
it marks my FREEDOM :D

oh yeah, english paper 1 essay was on freedom.
haha i wrote about this girl who was tied down.
she lost her freedom due to expectations and resposibilities.
so in the end she just pushed it all off, enveloping freedom! :D
woohoo, i'll push off all the papers and books in 18days
im on my way to freedom (:

cause baby you're a firework,

without you, im nothing.

FIRE

每个人的心里面都有一个沉睡的战士，
只要你能唤醒这沉睡的战士，
你就能跨越这份畏惧，重现可以毁灭极限之墙的

the aftermath of our relationship rocked me like an neverending earthquake.
(plate tectonics ftw! oops, too much geog :DD)
but whatever it is, it's time to end it all.
you were cruel enough. i cried for 2whole hours. slept for 4hours.
you said we were normal friends. you missed out the prefix ab-
ABNORMAL you mean, we're ABNORMAL FRIENDS.
normal friends dont reply their friend's text days later.

anyway, since you say we are abNORMAL friends -*heavy sarcasm*
let me define "CONTRADICT" for you.
to assert the contrary or opposite of; deny directly and categorically.
now, my friend, may you use that word appropriately now.

一直等一个人等了很久这一场独角戏是很寂寞
春夏秋冬我的窗口只有风经过
爱很深有多深我也不懂你走后我的心变得脆弱
听一首歌也觉得痛但我谁也没有说

右边的座位右边的枕头都已经空了那么久
为你守候那是因为我已经看透

没有你的爱这个我只是一半
不哭了不笑了为谁努力我也不明白
没有人能取代一个圆的另一半
我固执的等待等风再把你带回来
只有你的微笑能让我心安只有你的拥抱可以把我填满
只有你手里的那一把钥匙能把心打开

现在, 我不等了...

SOON

2011-10-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

JUST A LITTLE MORE! :D

replay

2011-10-08T19:04:00.000+08:00

in a blink of an eye,
another 21days have passed..

lets replay it all ~

this shall be the VERYVERYLAST update before my olevels :D

STUDYING..... ._.

studying is a mental and physical test. it is the art of being able to sit down for HOURS quietly and silently, and also requires your brain to absorb EVERY piece of information...

hmm, prelim results are back,

like cons said "YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW" (Y)

L1R5: 15

overall percentage: 68.3%

if you think that my results are NOT GOOD, then let me tell you 4 things.

1) i studied VERY hard for prelims, i took prelims SERIOUSLY like olevels.

2) this is the BEST result i ever had in 3 years. im serious.

3) as compared to my school mates, im about average..

4) SHUT UP AND GO AWAY.

i have a dream, of getting an L1R5 of 8. i want an 8.
ALL THE WAY! :D

那是血在流，那不是雪中红。

you fired and left me to die.

from the start till the end, i was merely a target.

no more, no less. a target.

you stabbed me, with that gleaming knife.

not once, but several times, repeatedly.

a hole in my heart, you made it.

im bleeding, you dont see it?

no i guess, you never paid attention.

oh well, i dont think you ever cared much.

it's okay, im alright. it doesnt hurt much,

only once in a while it aches. numb most of the time.

i guess it's been hurting for too long, for me to feel the pain anymore.

"那不過就是一場太美麗的夢　至少真的愛過.. "
yeah, guess so. it's been 5 months. i've lived through it.
so another 5000months should be NO PROBLEM. yeah.
it was a wonderful dream, a happy relationship.
at least it happened. so i shall just stop looking back.

There was this motivation talk: The speaker spoke for solid 2 hours and it came an end.. But before he sealed up his speech, he told a story to his listeners. "If i were to take out a $50 note and throw it to the ground would anyone of you pick it up?? As expected everyone raised their hands, next if i were to crush like this and threw it again, would anyone of you pick it up now?? Hands were still up good, next he took the note and threw it into a muddy area and brought it back.. With the note muddy would you now pick it up.. Hands were still up!!" Finally he said, "Knowing that this $50 note has its worth and you people are willing to take it and use it. Well this are how our lifes are, even though we are crushed, stepped or even humiliated, We still have our worth and only we know our worth not others.. Treasure your lifes like how you would have treasured the $50 note.. You guys are special in your own ways, don’t ruin your lifes my friends.

YEAH, TREASURE LIFE!

actually, nothing happened much these few days la, it's just..
CONSTANT MUGGING. MUGGING. MUGGING.

life's bleak without a crush. ):
or at least, I HAVE CHERYL ^^

ILOVEYOUCHER(:

BYE! :D
15days to olevels, 37days to the end! :D
ALL THE WAY PEEPO XD

goodbye

2011-09-17T12:00:00.000+08:00

DON'T MISS ME TOO MUCH! ♥

unwinding

2011-09-16T16:31:00.001+08:00

it's been 20days..

lets unwind that ball of yarn

for today, lets reward myself for having studied hard (:

1) PRELIMS

MUGGING IN PROCESS

"i want to do all that i can for prelims and give my hardest shot for olevels."

yes. that is exactly what i want to do. i am determined.
i want to do well for prelims. prelims is like an insurance for olevels.
if i do well for prelims, i will feel secure. yes, i need that sense of security.
i've been studying hard for every prelim paper. so much of hardcore mugging
i dont want to walk out of the examination venue saying "damn, i should've studied"
neither do i want to say "damn, i screwed prelims" or anything along that line.
prelims is the last series of papers before my olevels.
it shows you how well you know your syllabus.
prelims really tired me out. but no, i am going to go on.

when you see a question and you go "OH YES! I KNOW THIS :D".
"OH YEAH! I REMEMBER THIS" or "AYE, THIS IS AWESOME, DO BEFORE!"
not only it tells you you're well prepared, it also boosts your confidence.
it's a great feeling. it makes you happy and keeps you going

i studied till 4am for a physical geog paper on wednesday night.
so apparently that faithful wednesday, i got home at about 3..
did 1 physics paper till 4, then i napped till about 6.
so i woke up, ate and bathed and slacked till about 7.30..
and i started mugging. did another 2 physics papers and it was 10..
oh ya, there was this super epic physics question.
it was that this man, driving, saw a traffic light turn red,
there was reaction time, and then he applied the brakes.
so the velocity time graph was a straight line then a line diagonally downwards.
then, the question ask, what the graph will be like if the man's drunk.
my first reaction was "aiya, car accelerate, straight line then go up lor!"
reason being: the driver, being drunk, would step on the wrong pedal :D
HAHAHA laughed damn hard at my stupid theory. LOL

started geog (FINALLY,) at ten. i was like "damn, 3topics..."
by 12, i was done with PLATE TECTONICS, oh yeah.
i was tired then, so went to make myself a cup of milo (cause i was hungry too)
eh, dont laugh, that milo lasted me till 4am in the morning alright :D
so i continued all the way.. till 4am. i slept so early leh! 4am :D
i was dead tired, highlighting my textbook, i actually highlighted this line:
"and this will be further discussed in the next section of the chapter" -.- wts.
oh well, i survived 41hours with only 4hours of sleep, i am proud of myself
every studying paid off. it think that's the reason why im able to hold on for so long.

you know, my mum thinks im crazy when she watches me study.
i'd not only talk to myself with heavy gestures, i'd be totally expressive.
if i managed to memorise that point, i'd go "YES" and clap (silently, duh).
and if i dont, i'd just hunch my back for a few seconds.. LOL

2 more papers to the end of prelims, just MCQ papers.
after which, im going to get back all my prelim papers.
i've been to the bottom, i've worked hard, im destined for greatness.
yeah! I, HYAKIAYUEN, WILL DO WELL FOR PRELIMS.
after which, i will continue to work hard at this rate for olevels.
when it's all over, i will play as hard as i studied.

2) POTTERMORE
finally, after weeks of impatient waiting, i've finally received this:

POTTERMORE :D

yes, i waited like hell for this letter to come into my email. (:
finally it's here and im in! *potion brewing in process*

UNICORN HAIR! hahaha.

when i saw this, immediately called vernice and i was half screaming.
and my mum asked "why so happy, win 4D isit?!"
i said "SOMETHING WAYY BETTER THAN 4D! :D"
hahaha, eh, i was 100% truthful about the questions alright ^^

and i found this video on sorting

haha #sotrue :D

3) SWIMMING

A PASSIONATE SWIMMER

i've learnt quite alot of things with regards to swimming and myself in these 20days.

apparently, i was supposed to be enrolled under coach jack.
meaning i'd be in the swim class as darrell would be. but unfortunately, (fortunately)
no. coach jack had his class at yishun full, so i was enrolled under coach lawerence.
image that horror i'd go through if i was under coach jack HAHA. scaryy :/
but well, under lawerence, i cant deny that he's trained me well :D

and yeah, my mum actually got me to start swimming so i can be stronger.
when i was young, i had a very terrible immune system,
so hoping that swimming would make me stronger (which it kinda did),
my mum enrolled me into a swimming class! oh yeah :D

actually, i've never liked swimming when i was younger.
i think my passion of swimming only came in.. last year.
remembering that when i was younger, i'd procrastinate and purposely be late.
i mean, im doing the same now but that's cause im lazy to walk to the pool! HEHE/
hmm, i wouldnt mind staying inside the pool for the entire day actually.

OH YES, I PROUDLY ANNOUNCE THAT I CAN DO A PERFECT PLUNGE.
and soon, i'd be able to do a perfect tumbleturn :D

Award Merit (AM)'s coming up. *nervous*
okay actually im totally prepared. but im just.. NERVOUS.

yeahh, kor is right. it's awesome, SOUNDS AND LOOKS GOOD :D
23rd sept 6pm-9pm. dont go yishun swimming complex okay :D
oh ya, #wheniwasyounger, i used to think that when i swim at night,
i'd be swimming under the moonlight. i never knew that there were spotlights.

CODY ANG

im sorry, but i think this baby is really cute :D
hehe. hello cody, i've told your dad that i'd be your coach when you grow up.
you're the reason why im gonna take SI okay :D
(partially cause your daddy say i'd take donkey years to take SI D:)
and HAPPY 1MONTH OLD! :D hehe. im gonna go your house and see you later :D
oh ya, your ahgong is a really cute man, he's my coach for 11years already leh! :D
HEHE. may you be happy and happy and happy. be a swimmer like papa and ahgong! :D
congratulations to FREDDIE-daddy and LAWERENCE-ahgong! :D

OH YES, CONNIE'S BROTHER IS LEARNING SWIMMING FROM MY COACH
HAHAH and after olevels, i'd accompany connie's brother to swimming! :D

ELEVEN YEARS OF SWIMMING..
AND STILL GOING! :D

4) RELATIONSHIPS

serious matters of the heart

i realised that so far in my life, i've met 3males that fits my idea of a perfect boyfriend.
if you're wondering if i'd reveal who they are on my blog... 2 words for you.

DREAM ON!

yeah, and i placed a bet with sherrysoh.

she said by weiling's birthday next year, i'd have had at least 1 boyfriend.

haha $30 into my pocket. :D yes, im gonna stay single alright.
but if a really good guy comes, i'd be willing to give her that $30 bucks. LOL
and if im gonna go play another guy, i'd just get him to pay that $30 for me (:
LOL, #beingpractical and #beinghonest :D

somehow, if these 3 ideal people.. (back to topic HAHAH)
if they 3 of them actually ask me to be their girl, i'd just reject...
i mean yeah, i think why you label someone ideal,
is simply because they're too perfect. you can only dream..
it's just simply UNREACHABLE, that's why it's ideal, but impossible. LOL

it's been 4months since we ended. i think i kinda got off that feeling le.
or probably i've just learnt to harden my heart and numb myself.
i can forgive you, so all that i can do is to forget.
no, im not going to go back to you anymore.
once is enough, i cant trust you ever again..
no way im going to place myself in the same helpless position.
no way, no way im going to let things have a chance of going back to that way.
i dont care if you say sorry or say you'd change.
because my mind is made up, so yeah, WE END. /period.

oh yeah, i've received my 6th confession. LOL and still counting.
hmm.. and more to await in JC uh. :/

PLAYGIRL95 :)

YTX says that i've been talking alot about guys.
okay, i'll cut down on that..
BUT HEY! IM A SAGITTAURUS, HUGE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS OKAY. :)

ahh, #evilplans :))

5) 6C OUTING FOR TEACHERS DAY

THANKS TO ALL FOR COMING! :D

i can say it was an awesome (but tiring) day with all your primary school friends

since we've got nothing much to look forward in our primary school, we've met up outside

outside as in outside the school gates. HAHAHA i dont know why art say meet there.

so the entire thing started with me asking art to organise an outing.

and he got me to send messages out to notify everyone..

and uhm.. I BECAME THE ORGANISER. like !@#$%^ okay. HAHA

so it was... subway, popular, wx's house, monopolydeal, drinkwater, home.

im lazy to elaborate. but i realise that we've all changed.

remembering the times in primary school :D

6) FITNESS

haha yes, i've been running weekly :D im so healthy okay.

one day, im going to go run from khatib all the way to yiochukang AND back again (:

i realise that i tend to do sports mainly with men.

cause they are the ones who are more active, right :D

and after olevels, im going to swim till i drop with yongen :D

oh well, running is just.. we run lor, nothing much to say right HAHAHA.

then we'd find some spot to sit down and we'd chat.. and talk and laugh.

HAHAHAHA :D oh, i've picked a quote:

"look at the mirror.. and SMILE!"

yeah, smile cause we're near our end point! :D

7) CHILDCARE

i went to childcare after teacher's day celebration then.

my aim was to take a photo of kayla and out it as my dp.

but NAH, i failed ): she was in a horrible mood! D:

when she saw me, she was elated! HAHAH she came to hold my hand.

and im so jealous, she kept saying "CHERYL" :/

HAHA aye, i kinda regret telling her to say "i love cheryl" sia.

my girlfriend smile like she's in heaven leh! :D

oh ya, kayla pointed to my pinafore and asked "what is your name?"

HAHAHA and because of that, i put on my name tag :D

she made me put on my nametag leh! :) she's such an angel XD

when i went there, they were having lunch, and i fed kayla,

but she suddenly move, and the bowl hit the chair, and i overturned her bowl of food.

kayla, the happy girl, was already full, so i did her a favour uh.

HAHAH stayed a little longer to clear up the mess i made though. /embarrassed! D:

but yeah, after prelims and olevels, im going to visit the childcare more often :D

i really love the kids :D they are so cute. 4year olds :D

but the scary part was they were so enthu, that they kept saying BYE so loudly.

sounded more like "BYE" to challenge who is louder -.-

haha cher and i ran out of the childcare though. scary much :/

8) CHERBABY

when i saw this photo, my first reaction was "SHIT, EYEBAGS".. ._.

oh, haha i seriously love this girl beside me in the photo. she wrote me loads of letters.

relationships got us closer, singlehood made us stronger.

yeah, sometimes, i'd wonder if she wasnt part of my life, what would happen to me.

i realised that no one would understand how i feel better than she and sherry does.

thanks dear, for listening to my rants, hearing me cry, and making me feel much better.

*hugs* love you baby (:

9) BIRTHDAYS

yeah, before i go, i've got to wish some people happy birthday :D

september's the month where most of the important friends' birthdays happen :D

and these people, i've memorised your birthday without the need of facebook okay :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEILING!

thanks for being such a great friend, you're important to me alright ^^
you're like a fire, making me feel really warm and comfortable with your presence :D
may all your wishes come true :D i'd always be there for you and get you to study!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRY!

thanks for being such a fiancee, you're a very important person in my life ^^
though i always quarrel with you like there's no ending,
i think we've known each other well enough to know what to say and what not to.
i love it when i think about how we're of opposite personalities but we just click :D
jiayou alright, dont give up :D i'd be there when you need me, as a when!
and thanks for believing my 6th sense (: we'd live on! :D HAHAHA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YONGEN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIAYI!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUEYI!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YINGTING!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARTURO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROY!

in advance and belated to all of you :D hehe.

behind my class writes: HAPPY 46th BIRTH

cause tricia got shirlene to tear off the word "DAY" hahahah :D

****************************************************************************

4days to the end of prelims

38days to olevels
60days to end of olevels

SMILE, things will get better :D

ALL THE BEST and JIAYOU! :D

that's the end of my update about the past 20days. (:

hiatus

2011-08-29T11:11:00.000+08:00

I WILL BE BACK

nine

2011-08-28T10:47:00.005+08:00

放在我手心里你的真心

in the process of psycho-ing myself that social studies is awesome.
*tries not to puke at the picture of my social studies teacher*

*stretches* hmm, it's another sunday (: so fast huh.
tomorrow and tuesday not school, sit home study ._.

Dr Tony Tan has been elected Singapore's seventh President, winning by a 0.34 per cent margin, or 7,269 votes.

oh well, it's come to an end. we wont see yamahmee till next election, right?
i bet 80% of the teenagers who were before tv,
trying to show their awareness of such major events in singapore,
were actually simply waiting for the appearance of our great star,
mr yam ah mee. HAHA. oh well, it's all over facebook and twitter actually.

okay, shall go get back to whatever im supposed to do (:

‎69666669999669999666666966666696
69666699666996669966666966666696
69666669966666699666666966666696
69666666996666996666666966666696
69666666699669966666666696666966
69666666666996666666666669999666

Highlight all the numbers

Press Ctrl+F

Press 9

ENTER. :D

geek

2011-08-26T23:36:00.002+08:00

*a correction to my previous post,
i aint blogging till the week is over XD
simply cant resist the temptation to spam words here HEHE.

NERD: baby and me :D

song playing: lose my mind.
but im feeling much calmer now, compared to last time :/
i kinda realised that my position in your heart is.. yeah
perhaps it had never been in the important part ever.

yesterday, i went your house. flashbacks. they call came back.
thankfully, i didnt feel anything. cant imagine if i breakdown :/
seems like you've been getting on with life, rather well.
hmm, so good for you. so i should continue to live in my little world.
then also, i took a walk to your void deck.
it's still there, happy memories, nothing really sad.
oh well, i told her my decision. i aint gonna change it.
but i hope... all the best for you, really.

been rather self-denial during these 2days,
yesterday i told myself that my england very powderful.
today i told myself that my china 非长号 XD

baby said the examiners were friendly, took a load off my mind.
though my eng teach kept saying that they were nice, i just felt nervous,
till cher said that they were very nice, so well (: hehe.
hmm, OH WELL. just pray it all goes smooth.
no way to go back to last year,
in: most confident smile
out: most badly tear-stained face

why im living:

SO IT SHALL JUST HURRY COME D:
I FEEL SO FORGOTTEN...... D:

and that's why i smile, it's been a while.
since everyday and everything has felt this right.

i love you, (:
hehe

smile

2011-08-22T22:23:00.007+08:00

you're the reason why im smiling.

Day one, I fist laid my eyes on you,
day two, I cant help but think of you,
day three was the same as day 2,
day four I fell in love with you,
day five you spent it with me,
sixth day knocked me off my feet,
day seven thats when I knew to spend the rest of my life with you,

Thought I couldn't want you, more than I did before,
but everyday I love you a little bit more,
find myself asking, what are you waiting for,
cause' everyday I love you a little bit more.

dont think you'd ever read this, but im only mentioning this once.
my feelings for you are genuine, im really serious about you.
but sadly, this isn't not what you and i are heading for.
so like every other, i'll just stay by you, silently watching you,
making you smile, protect you, supporting you, beside you..
holding your hand, giving you a hug, when times are up and down
hoping that next life, fate would change, we'd be better.
you're the reason why i smile, you're the reason why it's colourful.
you're the reason for my existence, i cant bear to lose you.
actually, just by the thought of not having you in my future..
im having tears welling up in my eyes... so don't leave me, ever.

i've come to realised that i can decide, i do have a choice
instead of going on and on about what i've been through,
i should just shrug my past away, including the people involved.
im going to keep this entire ridiculous thing at the back of my brain
im going to stop all these nonsense and feelings.
stop thinking about it, stop feeling about it.
that's the way.

when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you
after all these, i know i'll never be the same.
i'll struggle to adapt to my silent phone.
i'll struggle to overcome this empty feeling that i fear.
i'll struggle. but when im done with it, i've survived.
im going to harden my heart, it's not going to be so easy anymore.
im not going to look back, you're not worthy of my side.
looking ahead, i see people and things that are more important than you.

from the start till now, not once did i truly get over you.
but from this moment, it's all going to change.
i'll do whatever it takes. i will.

Olevels is like running i race. but i dont like to run alone.
im still remember what i did during 2.4run this year.
i forsaken my A, just to motivate so many others.
but well...... i think you know what im thinking right :/
so many need help. i cant help all of them.
but at least the ones that i've helped will benefit from it.
/if only my mum understands me. (or im just too nice)

3days from prelims.

i dont feel a thing (:

but one thing for sure,
i aint blogging till prelims are over (:

11:11 - i hope, next life, we'll be together

tea

2011-08-21T12:02:00.003+08:00

人生就像一杯茶，不会苦一辈子，但总会苦一阵子..

人生必定起起伏伏。
当我们在最高点时，仿佛就站在世界的顶端。
那一种快乐，是非笔墨所能形容的。那里的光芒，是多么明亮，充满着希望。
当我们在最低潮时，就像跌到了谷底。
那里的黑暗，是多么的可怕，多么的孤单。那种感受，不是人人都能体会的。

有些人能有乐观的看待人生的起伏，以最正面的态度面对。
有些人则用着最极端的思维来处理，抱着反面的态度面对。

未来是怎么样的，我们都无法猜测。
但是我知道，现在的选择，必定会影响未来。
这一路走来，并不容易。但是我知道，一切都值得我努力。

我们因为爱而结合，因为爱而争吵，因为爱而妥协，因为爱而融合。这是一个从沙砾磨砺成珍珠的过程。坚持下来了，就是美满婚姻，坚持不下来，就是一生遗憾。

yes. im going to work as hard as i possibly can and see what happens.
not one said it'd be easy. but i know it'll be worthwhile.
even if in the end, these hard work goes down the drain,
i'll comfort myself and say "at least you did your best"

i hope i can understand the passage that's going to come out.
i hope i can understand the prose/poem that's coming out.
i hope i've done the math problem that's coming out.
i hope i've memorised the definition, formulas and quotes coming out.
i hope.. that all these hardwork that im putting in now,
will be reflected in my Olevel cert, as a distinction grade.

i cant change fate.
but im gonna fight for it.

intuitive

2011-08-20T09:46:00.004+08:00

who do you think you are, running around leaving scars.
you're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul.

you can take everything i have. you can break everything i am.
go on and try to tear me down, i will be rising from the ground.

/a changed person.

no longer one you knew.

ignited

2011-08-19T23:19:00.003+08:00

that burning flame of hatred..

AWESOME STRESS RELIEVER.

we burst into constant laughter after 2:50.
i swear, it's awesome. JUST WATCH IT HAHAHA.
PS: i'd chop the hair off if i were her :D

alright. im going to work as hard as i possibly can and see what happens - Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story

yes. that's exactly what im gonna do.
no one knows what may turn out in the end.
all these efforts put in, i might end up getting a C, or an A.
it does matter to me. but what matters more, is that i've done my best.
im gonna put in the effort, im going to do all that i can.
and i have faith in god. he'll be there for me.

:) it'll all get better.

simplicity

2011-08-18T22:08:00.004+08:00

broken, broken. all broken.

you can take everything I have, you can break everything I am
go on and try to tear me down, i will be rising from the ground

i aint afraid anymore. i've been through enough shit, i deserve better than this.
relationships, hah, i dont really trust them any more.
teenage love doesnt last. dont bother, dont waste my time.
childish, immature, desperate, attention seeking. that's all.

i rent the room in my heart to you.
when you refused to move out, i tried to put another tenant in.
and after a period of squeezing and fighting between the 2 of you,
i've actually decided to throw you two out of my heart.
yeah, i'll just keep my heart to myself
because i know that only i, me and myself knows how to protect it.

not gonna be so dumb to allow myself to be hurt anymore.
guys may be the best people to chat with.
but they leave and go as and when they like.
disregard you, selective reply. i hate that most.

im sorry, but i have this burning flame within me when i think of you.
i just want to get back at you. so much for doing such stuffs to me.
for pretending that you care, for feeding me false hope.
i expected us to be more than this.
and i have no idea why i feel so much hatred towards you now.

& ifyoudontknowwhoimtalkingabout,youshutup.
cause making assumptions would only make your life worse.

Ooh, I got them going crazy you see

Uh ooh, head over heels for me ooh

Uh ooh, weak in the knees for me boy

Uh ooh, 'cause you are so damn easy

'Cause you are so damn easy

you're next.

divide

2011-08-16T18:56:00.003+08:00

why so selfish? share with everyone la!

teacher's you teach 1 subject, i got 9 subject.
1 day 24 hours, i not superwoman. MUST SPLIT DE LEH!.

".. i know you are a potential A student.. but your results recently is fluctuating...dont be too complacent.. you must work harder.. dont do selective questions"

okay fine. i do understand why my math teacher said this.
cause i actually just look down and do my own stuffs.
my table's constantly in a mess. like waging war. -.-
and my recently revision tests are like crap. not a single B.
i know she said this out of my own good. but i just felt so annoyed.

yeah, i dont deny that i am a potential A student.
if i work really hard and prepare well, i will be able to get the A1.
yeah, i dont deny that my results recently are bad, not even a B.
but under that kind of examination conditions, i wont excel.
it's an unfair paper. dont use it to come judge my Olevel results.
im NOT complacent. for for the past months i've been doing nothing but math.
math. math. mathmathmath, regardless of lesson.
and yeah, i dont deny that i can solve 100% of the questions thrown to me.
but that doesnt mean i have done selective questions, right.
like seriously. i dont know why i feel so pissed.
but yeah, i am not complacent, and i did put in effort into math.
just that i've put in enough for the moment, im gonna do other subjects
period.

okay maybe i shouldnt get so affected by that remark..
but yeah, i just feel so :/ annoyed. she doesnt even see the effort.
:/ shall use prelims to show her that im not complacent. ._.

went CHILDCARE with cher again. OMG MY KAYLALOKE OVERSEAS D:
went CC with CC (CHILDCARE WITH CHERYLCHIAM.) hahaha
YEAH MYDEAR KAYLA OVERSEAS EH! D: im so upset.
and i asked jovan to hug cheryl and say "i love cheryl".
*sudden realisation* OMG! WHAT DID I TEACH HIM?! :O uhoh :X
hahaha. suan le, CHERYL SMILE UNTIL LIKE SOME IDIOT LO :D
*another sudden realisation* I JUST ASKED ANOTHER GUY TO MAKE MY GIRLF HAPPY.
:( me failure girlf sia D: eeeeee. kayla coming back only on wed :/
sian, i wanna see her one last time before i start prelims leh.
HAHAHA i sound like she's my longlost lover hor. :X

time to go do chem tys (boring sia, do until me want to sleep! D:)

"宝贝，再见!"

scholarly

2011-08-15T21:23:00.004+08:00

little-things-that-make-you-smile (:

i had 3 tests today, i didnt complain.
i realised that somehow, im used to this schedule of constant mugging.
hmm, shall go get those full frame black specs uh.. MUGGER!
as agreed with cher, for Alevels, we shall put on those specs when we study,
then write "ALEVELS" on cloth and tie around our foreheads (:
uhmm, i think i'll consider the latter though. HAHAHA *laughs to myself*

HAHA i was actually recalling the contents of the onion song during lit. :D
cause the poem was about valentine, talking about ONIONS. HAHA.
seriously, FOR THE FIRST TIME, THE FIRST TIME I SWEAR,
im actually chose to do poetry instead of prose. omg.
and FOR THE FIRST TIME! i understood whatever language the poet was speaking
:D me proud of myself. but i know this would be great if it's olevels. LOL.

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意

we, the students of singapore. pledge ourselves to mug whenever we can. regardless of place, time and subject...

i swear i feel so like a thorough mugger. :/

when i open my eyes tomorrow, i know it's a new day.
a new day....

a new day...

spasm

2011-08-11T23:09:00.002+08:00

i spell hashbrown as HARSHBROWN. #violentfood.

a little cottage

facebook what's your problem D:

im kinda pissed off MAJORLY by my irresponsible assass teacher
1) there was an ss test on term3 week1 monday. we were NOT informed, until the 4th week of the holiday friday she emailed us saying "im sure that you're aware of the test on monday, please study hard for it. goodluck"
okay, fine, i just let it be. forget it, aint that retarded to get so mad at her.

2) t3week3mon, ss test again. NOPE, NOT A SINGLE NOTIFICATION. best part was on week2thurs she asked the class "class, you guys wanna have it on friday instead? so you all will have more time to study"
fine, so you come in and just bomb us such a thing la. okay, i forgive her again.

NOW. 3) ss mock paper after school tomorrow. we actually had to know about it from OTHER CLASS. to be more exact, the history students actually had to hear it from their HISTORY teacher about the SS test. awesome much. then lit student, HEAR FROM HISTORY GIRLS. im so freaking pissed.
last monday she had a lesson, this monday no lesson, but SHE DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO COME NOTIFY US AT ALL. like comeon! and im not gonna study since it's not graded anyway. but this is seriously ridiculous! and she's so freaking irresponsible!

HAHA OMG THIS IS SO FUNNY.

hmm, prelims are drawing nearer and nearer. 13days left.
and TADA. im still here. -.- blogging. wts.
school's a waste of time la. im mainly doing my own stuffs.
but it's awesome to see how everyone goes crazy
lit was free period (again) today. and we lit girls were laughing.
SO HARD THAT ONE OF US CRIED. HAHAHA.
were on youswear.com. now i know why tricia's so vulgar. TSK.

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

unfaithful much huh. tsktsk.

NDP WAS AWESOME THIS YEAR.
just kinda upset when you realised that it's all different.
in the same place, but just that things are no longer the same.

we cant go back. we gotta move on. no point going back.

CHER, WOAINI hahaha.

embrace

2011-08-08T22:32:00.003+08:00

embrace me.

FBI launches missing children phone app. AWESOME.
can give cheryl the app, then she wont keep asking "where is jovan"
HAHA or "where is lionel" and i can stalk kayla ^^ lalala.

im so tired D: eyes barely opening.
tmr going out. to see fireworks ^^ hehe. iamahappygirl.

went snowjoy's house, she gave me wallet
then we just slacked most of the time there.
attempt to study faileddddd. :X
WO AI XUELE ^^ hehehe

okay, time to go sleep.

easy

2011-08-07T14:40:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i hope i own a good camera,
then instead of taking photos from the net,
i can use photos i take ^^ LOL.

I got them boys chasing me trying to make me the one
I know I'm a hot hot shorty
Ooh, I got them going crazy you see
Uh ooh, head over heels for me ooh
Uh ooh, weak in the knees for me boy
Uh ooh, 'cause you are so damn easy
'Cause you are so damn easy
'Cause you are so damn easy

weather is AWESOMEEEEE
me off to find the warm pool waters ^^

jet

2011-08-05T22:00:00.004+08:00

*stretches* been an awesome week :D im so happy now.

we'll speed towards the finishing line

"you say good morning, when it's midnight"
HELLO! I TOLD YOU! the song is called "JET LAG"
hurhur, me smart de wor :D

You say good morning, When it's midnight
Going out of my head, Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
It's drivin me mad, I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged

went childcare with cherbaby again today ^^
EHEHEH, i can remember their names okay.
if only my textbooks can jump around like 4year old kids.
maybe i'll absorb information as fast as i remember their names.
校长say i can go back as and when i like, alone or not. ^^
though im not from that childcare/preschool, she says it's okay ^^
im so happy, i'll go back as and when i want :D
who cares if i have some handfootmouthdiease HEHE.

so apparently i went to teach the younger kids to say "cheryl"
then i attempted to make them go up to cheryl and call her HAHAH.
failed epically though. HAHA LAUGHS neither did cher succeed though.
then i went to watch tom&jerry with the 4year olds.
kayla was like "i want jiejie", wanted me all for herself. awww.
but aye, the kids watch the clip so many times.
and they were telling me what's happening next D: not fun de eh..
hmm, perhaps i should give 校长my discs uh. then i go spoil the show XD

it's awesome when you know someone who love kids too ^^
hehe since the childcare so near, i shall visit it more often :D

been texting so little in class recently,
cause my table's always in a terrible mess. like waging war eh,
beside my chem worksheet in my stack of foolscap to copy chem answers,
below my chem worksheet is my math practice paper...AND
beside my math practice paper is rough paper for me to write working.
and, still got pencil case, my organiser... and more to go.
shall not publicise my messiness uh. HAHA

I SWEAR CONSULTATION WAS AWESOME. and hungryyy D:
ms na was eating right before my eyes! D: and i didnt eat lunch. :/
but we were in aircon room! :D hehe. awesomeee venue XD

I wanna share your horizon
And see the same sunrising
Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me

aye, im so tired.

nights world. i dont have jetlag.

me going to sleeeeeep le.

dazzle

2011-08-03T22:21:00.003+08:00

anywhere, anytime.

i swear i can just sleep anywhere, anytime now.
im totally tired, till i dont konw what im doing..

morning began as we hoped. no morning jog.
because our dearest ahma VP talked so much.
i believe she did well for her Olevel oral, she talked so much.
and side tracked so much too.
so well, as usual, we were spared from the stupid 1.5km run (:

then we went back to class for english, write situational writing.
and so we just slacked half the time by walking aimlessly around the class.
neither did i pay attention. (not like my english is very good though)

then we had geog, did timed piece, open book
apparently i copied everything off my notes once again.
it's not about how fast you think...
it's about HOW FAST YOU WRITE. hmm. oh well.

then we had pe, which was some SNSD dance (no comments)
you can just smug your way through my acting cute i swear.
cause the poses were just.... /no need for elaboration.

recess, decided to eat my first meal of the day - BREAKFAST. LOL
breakfast at 11.25, interesting. more like brunch actually. (:
i was such a good girl. LOL filling my stomach *finally*

then we had math, which was to do some super easy paper
got so SIAN and freaking boring. D: me do until want to sleep
i swear math is the only subject im willing to sit there and do non stop.
only for math, i can sit there for hours to do sums.
me got a great passion for math alright LOL

then we had chemistry, which was simply to copy answers.
you know, after 1.5years, we've learnt that as long as
1) you sit at the back. 2) you look very busy and serious
3) you dont talk. 4) you just dont look at the chem teacher,
she will not realise you did not do homework. (:
and she wont even ask you to answer questions! :D heh.

then we had chem spa, slept half the time.
completed the paper in 15mins. then took another 15 to rewrite everything.
then i just lie on my table for the remaining time. TOO TIRED D:
but eh, im confident i'll score well okay ^^

==========that's the end of my boring school life================

went with cher to toapayoh. ended up at a childcare centre.
I SWEAR THE KIDS ARE FREAKING CUTE OKAY. *kidnaps them home* XD
this kid called kayla actually asked us how to write "9"
omg she's only 4 years old. i'll go back and play with the kids after Os.
i wonder how i sounded when i said "mummy, i cant write 9 *innocent eyes*"
HEHE. but aye, the teacher abit no patience eh D: so fierce :/
then after completing the worksheet, she went to wear her shoes.
and she CAME TO SHOW ME HER SHOES. haha. so cute la, baby shoes :D
i want go buy a pair of baby shoes and hang as keychain on my bag LOL.
she sat on my leg, for only 10seconds, then she slipped off to go play zzz.
AND BEFORE I LEFT, this cute little boy sent me a flying kiss HAHAHA
okay, for that kiss, im gonna go back. :DD hehe.

then ate fries with cher..
then went to meet constance..
then.. i then alot.

now i wanna go sleep.
NIGHTS XD

drained

2011-08-02T22:44:00.004+08:00

sometimes, i seriously hate myself for being so fucking stupid.

to stand there and fall asleep.

im so drained of energy. physically, emotionally, intellectually.
i dont know what's got into the world lately, or isit just stnicks.
everyone's crashing, everyone's breaking apart, we need to breathe.

yes. i need to breathe. im suffocating and caving in under this stress.
i dont know how long i can survive. i dont know how long i can keep going.
anyway, it sucks when you cry to the point where you cant breathe.
but i've been to that stage so many times that i've lost count..

im really tired. i feel so drained. and yet im just going on.
dragging my feet from location to location, struggling to go on.
too tired to eat, too tired to sleep, too tired to do anything.
i need to get productive, before i really regret wasting time.
then i hate myself and waste more time. LOL

morning jog and pe tomorrow..... that's okay.. thennn
chem spa and geog test tomorrow. that's depressing.
and prelims schedule doesnt make it anywhere better.
and olevels, just faint yo.

tmr - send cher home. (not like you can stalk me dude)
tmr - meet constance.
tmr - survive. that's important. LOL
did you even realise, that we only have 99days left..
then 23days to PRELIMS, 83days to Olevels.

CONSTANTAN

2011-08-01T23:11:00.004+08:00

OH YEAH!

that's exactly how im feeling now ^^
I HAVE COMPLETED 8/24 TASKS I SET FOR MYSELF ^^
lol, only 1/3 of the list, more to be included,
but it's STILL AND ACCOMPLISHMENT
*claps for myself* *throws confetti* *dances around*
--------------cools down----------------------
HEHE. yknow, you gotta BREATHE IN *inhale* and BREATHE OUT *exhale* (:

it's now 4 against 1 in this house. war is still ongoing.
hmm, i need to stock up food for myself uh. -.-
but well, i think we've been merciful enough.
ENOUGH CHANCES GIVEN, ENOUGH TIME GIVEN.
you dont want to change, we'll make the changes for you.
first and foremost, is to throw you out. TADA *sweep hands*

im blogging, let you use awhile of the internet hor.
dont say im selfish or whatever shit,
i've been nice enough to you alreadyy.

hmm english oral coming uh, so lets do some practice *winkwink*

CONSTANCE! :D 我爱的♥

this picture depicts a very pretty girl (chiobu) with a VERY BIG CACTUS
the cactus in the picture perfectly describes the pretty girl i see.
although the cactus is very pretty and green under the sunlight,
just like the girl in the picture, who is very youthful and energetic :D
but the cactus as got really sharp spikes, just like the girl.

HAHAHAHAH omg my english is *shakes head* CMI! D: gahhh..
but well, im just telling everyone that CONSTANCE 不好惹! *runs far away*
i remember when i first met constance, she so damn DAO-EY one D:
you know uh, especially when you go her house and she just wakes up.
(i shall stop here, because later constance will come trash me)
but now, my constance is TOTALLY BLUR QUEEN OKAY.
go shopping with her uh, she takes mirrors and exits -.-
you know, must handcuff her to you, or she'll just bang into walls.
OH YEAH cons, i'll get you a pair of handcuffs as presents okay ^^
(actually uh, handcuff yourself to her more like you'll be in trouble)
cause constance very rough de D: (cons must be more ladylike okay ^^)

i seriously got this eerie feeling that.... constance is angry HAHAHA
aww my dear, CHILL LA, 我可是很爱你的! :D :D smile prettier ^^
you know, never smile is pretty, smile is prettier :D
hehe. actually i originally wanted to only type:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONSTANCE!

but i ended up typing so much uh. aye, im just a pro at talking la XD

cons uh, thanks for being there for me actually ^^
i still remember that rainy day, someone took my phone.
and you tried your best to help me take it back, failed though.
HAHAHA nevermind. i know you walked me home after that ^^
that's my favourite memory of you eh HAHAHAHA.
OH! still got, i was so jealous that your bro kissed you at mrt uh.
(I AM JUST JOKING XD hehehehe)
but well, without you, life wont be so interesting le XD
(cause no one to laugh at ._.) LOVE YOU ANYWAYS :DD

haola, 11.38 le,

i should stop depriving myself of sleep.

*yawns* GOODNIGHTS WORLD XD

i slept while doing math practice paper.

then when i opened my eyes, my mummy was looking at me...... zzz

it's only monday, and im already so *yawns* sleepyyy.

HOWWWW? HOW TO SURVIVE THE WEEEEKKK? D:

and tmr you dont send me la, you should sleep ^^

it's the thought that counts, but i cant bear to make you so tired..

cause you this person need 8hours of sleep, i just sleep 6hours enough le XD

so we average out is 7hours. we're healthy people.

enough of my crap. BYE.

speeding

2011-07-31T21:22:00.000+08:00

for my sake, stay safe alright?

疯婆到家了 = no peace. :(
when i dislike someone, im totally all out to go against her.
i 不爽 whatever she do, right or wrong.
and this woman come home already then house become so noisy.
i dont like D: annoying TOTHEMAX D:

Money can’t buy life.

MONEY CANT BUY ME ^^

:/ it's SUPER WEIRD and RUDE to peek as people at blogging la, idiot.

study progress is STEADDYY

i dont like the environment im blogging in, SO BYE

studious

2011-07-30T11:44:00.003+08:00

STUDIOUS ME :D

finding the post title and picture familiar?
yes, it was once on kiayuen.blogspot.com.
right until it was deleted, with about 900 other posts.
actually, i no longer remember the exact number.
it does not deserve a place in my memory.

One day your life is going to flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.

guess my life's amazingly interesting..
cause when im sitting down and talking to my friends,
i am mainly the talker. partly cause im I personality
but also because i've so many great experiences.

i've been to the bottom, im heading to the top.
i've fallen, i've tasted failure. and now im rising, steadily to the top.

seems like what you dont like about me is what he didnt liked.
and so if like him, you cant accept, then we shouldnt bother.
because this. is who i am.

84days, time to start studying.
im gonna complete my 1st round of revision today. (:

D: rare times im wearing specs.
cause my eyes look uglyttm :X

emotional

2011-07-29T21:40:00.004+08:00

it's been an emotional day..

Even the people who never frown eventually breaks down.

whenever im upset, i'll think of the contents of cher's letters
"after every teardrop, you're one less teardrop away from happiness"
but it feels like i have a thousand more teardrops to go..

Sometimes it's easier to smile even when u're hurting inside, than to explain to the whole world why you're hurt.

or sometimes, you just dont want to attract too much attention
and neither do you want some people to worry.

when you know she needs a hug. you know that she just needs someone to hold her and say it's all over, it's gonna be alright. she just needs someone to put their arms around her, to give her the warmth she was lacking at that moment. i know how it feels when you're crying that badly, i've broken down emotionally more than the number of times i can count. yet, all you can do, is to just watch her, for circumstances disallow you to move beside her. from where you were, you could only worry about her. but when you're beside her, your heart aches seeing her in such a state, that you actually cry began to cry with her.

guess im just so useless. other than saying im sorry, i really dont know how to explain myself. i dont even know why things have turned out this way. and im really so useless. i couldnt just fulfil your wish of seeing me. im a failure. all i can say is "i dont know" i think i really have a limited vocabulary. i dont know how to face you anymore. just last night i was talking about treasuring you, then today this happens. im just stupid i guess. stupid beyond my explanation. i really feel like just disappearing from the surface of earth. i dont deserve to stay beside you. i dont deserve anyone to be nice to me i guess. it happened before. im just freaking selfish.

so much i want to say.
but im so tired to do so now.
i just want to stone.

i've had enough of my selfish attitude.
i've had enough of my stupidity.
i've had enough. time to do something about it.

im speechless with life.

im speechless at myself.

im speechless.

so bitter, i need a sweet.
so dry, i need a drink.

behind my smile is a broken heart
behind my laugh, i'm falling apart.

if you'd look at me, you'd see,
the girl i am, isn't me

seasonal

2011-07-26T22:48:00.002+08:00

tonight, im feeling random, and happy. (:

seasons may change. but my love for you remains.

hmm, at a random note, i DO like seasons tea drinks.
but i simply LOVE pokka wayyyy MORE :D
and oh i only drink those tea when they are cold.
guess im really a very troublesome person afterall ^^

nearly got killed by my very dear barbaric and retarded deskmate today.
at least, i still live to tell the tale. HAHAHAHA :D im perfectly fine.
apparently she didnt like this particular person at the bottom of the steps
and she pulled my bag and made me reverse walking down the steps.
it's like rewind, you walk backwards up. LOL OH, && she took my bag off me.
so im considering making my bag LESS light so people cant take out HAHAHA

according to my dearest coach, i take 3seconds to strip.
i am amazed at myself. but it's so epic every time.
cause i'll be done in the blink of the eye and before i jump, i'll hear
yongen "EHEHEH! wait eh! UNFAIR!" hahaha. but end up he still faster zzz.
tried swimming gloves on sun, im SO NOT INTERESTED IN GETTING MYSELF A PAIR.
lol. it does nothing other than making my hand unable to come up D:

my hair is down, HAHA RARE TIMES. cause my fans are more efficient now.
(i made) daddy cleared away all the dust. so now,
i have nice, clean air blowing right at my face ^^

OKAY. i shall do abit of physics. :D
and for today, i'll spare you from the internet flaming
but it doesnt change the fact that youre a bitch (:
*heavy sarcasm*

we've met for... 7consecutive days already ^^
OMG THIS IS SO COOL :D me so happy now.
hehe, we shall sleep sweetly tonight :D
you know, dont worry i dont have enough sleep.
happy - awake - productivity increases. HAHAHAH :D

unconditional love (:

disappointing

2011-07-25T22:29:00.004+08:00

50th post. but if you hadnt done such a despicable act,
i would be on my 1000th post or even more by now.
that sad feeling continues to linger on my dashboard.
everytime before i click new post, i'll look above that button.
perhaps, i've developed this new habit of checking the posts.

Ok. I dont want to go to heaven for one day and then be back in hell forever after that day. I'd rather not go to heaven and just try to find happiness in hell.

我最不需要的是梦想，最没兴趣的就是恋爱。我不会让自己有希望落空的机会。因为没有期望，就不会失望。

after living for 16years, i've tasted disappointment.
not only once, but a time too many. guess that's life uh.
sometimes, we humans get so sick of having to face disappointments.
cause it seems like every time there's hope, there's gonna be disappointment.
but whatever it is, we always pick ourselves up, have faith in ourselves
and continue to aim high and to do our best in life.
that's the ironic. and i have ABOSOLUTELY NO IDEA what i am sayingg.

life's been smooth. i sincerely hope it stays this way.
the countdown to Olevels is hitting 90. every moment is slipping by.
not like i've done nothing, but not like im 110% prepared.
completed all my chem notes though, an accomplishment.

it's all beginning to get really tiresome.
i slept this afternoon. and now, im eyelids are closing again.
and after what you said to me that day, im sorry but,
i have absolutely ZERO motivation to stay up for you anymore.
guess you aint gonna be too happy when you read this.
but well, it's a fact. it wont change.
and i still remember how badly i cried when you said that sentence.

i told myself i'll pass physics, i told myself i'll show you i can do it.
i told myself that i'll show you that i aint affected by you.
and.. i failed physics. 24/50. very much wanted to do something crazy.
that night, i should've stayed up till 2am, to complete the last 2 chapters.
because i left them out and the paper was mainly on those chapters...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
i should stop giving myself excuses for my lousiness.
probably you're laughing your head off right now.........

i cant stand this feeling.
im thoroughly confused,

oh what's my problem man.
i swear i signed into blogger with a happy mood! D:
sigh, guess i shall just head to bed now.

cher, i need a hug D: me want to see you now D:
and i realised it's been a while since i wrote you happy letters :X

NIGHTS (:

you can fool the entire world with one smile,
but you certainly cant fool yourself.

multitude

2011-07-24T18:49:00.002+08:00

baby, sleep like this tonight. alright? ^^

3heroes, 7books, 8 movies, 10 years.
yup, we're the harry potter generation (quoted from fb)
HAHA cant believe that there's no more harry potter already D:
oh well, we can always rewatch and reread a few more times ^^

im super tired. *yawns*

blissful

2011-07-23T10:36:00.003+08:00

♥ that's my love for you

it's a happy, blissful and awesome morning (:
i've yet write your letter. shall do so later. :D
hmm im still thinking of taking a photo of your legs
and putting it in my wallet :D hehe. hmm.

1month's past and we've many more months to come (:
not trying to drag the mood down, but we have 108days left. ):
every moment, im treasuring every second i have with you.
i dont mind sleeping late, i dont mind waking up earlier.
for sleeping lesser means i have more time to talk to you.
it's not going to be easy, but it certainly is going to be worth it.

im 93days away from olevels, 36days away from prelims.
up till now, i've ~~only~~ completed 16.7% of my work
decided to strike out the word "only", it makes me feel less stressed.
this weekend, im going complete all my study notes. (: *determined*
so it means 3chapters for physics, 9chapters for chemistry.
then monday-thurs is going to be spent to chiong amathTYS

jacqlee shouldnt have told us that geog is open book.
i swear i've lost all my motivation to study D:
literally copied my entire chunk of notes for the last test D:
hmm, not like i have the time to really study though.

i've come to terms with the fact that i have a pile of tests every week.
since i've survived 5tests 1 spa in week 3,
3tests and 1 workshop this week, week4
another 5 tests in week 5 next week shouldn't be a problem.
and i'll keep my mind off the 2geog tests and 1 spa in week 6.

if you're going to barricade up your heart, let me in first
so i can keep you company forever and never leave you alone again.

Waking up I see that everything is okay
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry

alright. time to get going (:

you make the pain much bearable ♥

lengthy

2011-07-22T20:58:00.003+08:00

a lengthy post ahead :D

i've been broken, but it's totally okay

i've survived 6whole months of threats, you think this will have an effect?
moreover, you're no longer anyone to me, just related to me on the surface.
we dont need to talk to you anymore, isnt this clear enough?
enough of your nonsense. the door is there, see it? get out.
不必一脸绝望的样子看着这里，我们不再在乎了。 we on longer care.
third party? oh my, im really laughing hard at you.
comeon, grow up my dear, you're NINETEEN! hello~! grow up.
your immature, unreasonable character is my source of laugher tonight.
use my house phone to call your phone to make my bill fly?
try to leave all the lights on so that the electricity bill will fly?
oh gosh, your immature actions has made my mood fly.
oh please, i swear i saw a wonderful scene today.
so MUCH i wanted to throw your clothes out, she did it for me.
why bother to waste your energy and move all furniture around the house?
my dear, your stupidity is beyond my description.
not like you mop and sweep the house, when is the last time you did chores.?
now there you are walking around the house in shoes. OH DEARDEAR.
oh i remember, the last time you did chores, you broke a ceramic spoon.
why bang the cupboards? they'll only crack, time to replace them anyway.
you sucked the money out of our house, expect us to be nice?
i cant describe how amused i am now at you. but this is war.
when people want to sit down and talk to you, you dont want.
and now people are tired of speaking to you, you come demanding to talk.
oh my, im actually so amazed that im more mature in my thoughts than you.
basic manners my dear, patients are sick, they're to rest.
NOT, i repeat, ABSOLUTELY NOT to send you wherever you want as an when you like!
dont you even know, thanks to you, she's having heart problems?
you dont come act innocent with me, what you say and do is different.
i've seen it all, i dont need someone like you in here.
you tell me you didnt go school, and now saying your attendance is perfect?
wake up my love, time to realise, that you're no longer welcomed.
destroy all you like, move on once you're done.
im simply waiting for a locksmith to come my house and change the locks.
i'll willingly tell mum i pay for the locks and everything.
we dont want to hear, i've heard enough. enough, you get it?
you cry? crocodile tears i believe, im not interested.
cant you see the attitude change after these years?
5years. i've had enough of this. im sick of it.
enough of accommodating you, enough of helping you.
you know that feeling when one's back is turned? this is the feeling.
im turing my back on you my dear! just like what you did to me.
i think im blind? you think im naive and ignorant?
im just putting up with your arrogance. i swallowed every humiliation from you.
you took my relationship with clarence as a joke to laugh with your friends.
you told EVERYSINGLE mutual friend between you and clarence what happened.
OH, the best part was, your very dear friend gave you away.
i know, i know everything, i know what's going on.
simply just pretending i cant hear, simply pretending to not see.
im not gonna stoop low to fight low, im not fighting back. why bother.
you forced the entire truth out of me, you went off to tell everyone.
you took my past as a source of laughter with your friends.
you insulted my memory. you humiliated me before your friends.
putting aside the snide comments i received from your friends,
putting aside the derogatory attitude and mockery i've received.
i am now, simply turning my back right on you. i aint helping you anymore.
my dear, so what if you're sly and cunning.? it doesnt matter to me.
you'll never outsmart me, you'll never be able to.
business, SO WHAT? like you're earning much.
oh yeah, business, more like a reason to borrow my stuffs.
my clothes, my shoes, my bags.. HELLO~~! what happened to them?
right on the floor, with ants crawling on them 3 weeks later, unwashed.
and i have to wash them on my own, so that i can wear them
im not afraid to expose you my dear, all along i've been really nice.
i did not go tell the entire world what kind of person you are yet.
or at least, up till today, until the moment i click publish post.
you dont deserve me to look at you in the eye. you dont deserve it.
your presence is an insult, every move you make is an obstacle.
you get it? we're against you, and i am strongly against you.
project? business? comeon, grow up will you.
you want to stay, you grow up and be more mature.
you cant do this, then you're so NOT welcomed inside this house.
dont get your filthy legs into the house and dirty it
dont get your unwashed hands on my stuffs and stain it
dont talk as if we all owe it to you, you brought this upon yourself.
hello, you chose to stay here to talk crap. so?
you gave up your planning to do this, and i dont see that i'll help.
your friend got problem dont talk like it's our fault.
please dont bother to let me know how pathetic you are,
cause i'll do nothing, but laugh even harder at you.
right, i shall stop here, i've given you enough space in this post.

i cant stand it when people bring things upon themselves
then they go off complaining to others what happened.
seriously, GET A LIFE. your fault, so you keep it to yourself.
and this are exactly the same words im telling myself.
cause i cant stand such behaviour, neither am i gonna behave like this.
im so sorry that i aint telling you everything. i cant help it.
telling you will only make me despise myself, i dont feel this way.
just let myself be swallowed in this pain, i'd choose to face it alone

it's 10. 2more hours, to a new day. a very important day.
before the day's officially over, im listening to this:

I've been bruised and I've been broken
Can't belive that I put up with all this pain
I've been used and I was choking on the promise
I would never fall again

I used to sing to your twisted symphony
The words that had me trapped inside your misery
But now I know
The reason why I couldn't breathe

'Cause all I want is everything you're not
So go ahead and slam the door
'Cause you can't shut me out
No i don't, don't care what you say
'Cause all I really, all I really want
Is everything you're not
Everything you're not.

Your darkness was my weakness but it turns out
That it only went so deep, deep
A meaningless diversion that is all that you
Ever meant to me

And I am done with your twisted symphony
The words that had me sound like stolen poetry
I tore the pages and I can finally breathe

'Cause all I want is everything you're not
So go ahead and slam the door
'Cause you can't shut me out
No i don't, don't care what you say
'Cause all I really, all I really want
Is everything you're not

I want a gentleman who treats me like a queen
I need respect, I need love
Nothing in between

I will not spell it out for you, if you can't see
'Cause you're not worthy, you don't deserve me
And now I'm gone

Everything you're not, not, not
Everything you're not, not, not

1, 2, 3
'Cause all I want is everything you're not
So go ahead and slam the door
'Cause you can't shut me out
No i don't, don't care what you say
'Cause all I really, all I really want
Is everything you're not

Never gonna break my heart again
Never gonna see your face again
Never wanna feel this way again

it simply conveys whatever i want to say.

i've fallen to the bottom, and now im rising up again.
im going to show the world how strong i can be without you.
i may be in a very vulnerable position, i may crash once more.
but now, im just grasping to the light i see,
im holding on to the hope that im feeling.
it's not going to be easy. but i certainly know i'll be worth it.
there's going to be another round of backstabbing.
and there's nothing i can do, other than to prolong it.
the later it is exposed, the safer i'll be.
because he did not understand the dire consequences of it, it happened.
but now, im trusting that you know, and you'll be careful.

i know you all dont have a good impression of me, you're scared of me
cause i didnt leave a good impression of myself, neither did i bother to.
today, im not here to change your impression of me.

i dont care whether you like it or not, i am here to teach you.
im not going to beat about the bush, im going straight to my point.
i am here, simply because i've heard the sec3s had problems teaching you
and so i am here to witness your progess myself.

we all know what happened the last time i came in to teach you guys.
and we all know what happened when you failed to show progression
and so... well, lets begin.

that, was my "powerful opening speech" (as sihui says)
went for CCA today, my junior got so stressed up and scared that she cried.
guess i hadnt left a really good impression of myself
saw those horrified faces once i stepped into the room,
heard the word "SHIT" echo the room when i told them im here.
i even saw one of them telling the other that she's gonna die.
maybe, im just that scary, but well, they did give the greys a big problem
and i, as a whitebadge, am there to help the greys.
i guess i can be really scary if you annoy me, i didnt really scold anyone eh.
i swear i was very 客气 already okay D: D:
hmm, maybe my words had deadly arrows... LOL
but they are seriously horrible. 2 weeks and cant play yet. D:
lazy, horrible people who can make your blood boil.
since they made the sec3s puke blood, i'll make them puke blood too.
oh and before i left, i said "i hope you all will go home and practice,
you all have your own instru. and if i hear any complains from the sec3s again,
you'll see me once again. at that point of time when we meet again,
i'll ensure you'll get it from me. and when i say you get it, i mean it"
should've taken photos of those faces....

today was so cold D: it rained like heaven.
finally it's so cooling in the class, we left the windows open.
after like 10mins or something, we decided to close them..
cause the rain was coming in. HAHAH and our papers were wet.
sabby *points so specs* "this is a sign that it's ENOUGH" LOL
then shirlene had an epic moment of trying to angle the window.
a gust of wind came and the window opened then she hurry shut it.
oh and we sat there laughing for the next 15mins. HAHAHA.
thunder was so loud D: i jumped eh! D: so did shirlene actually
HAHAHAHA :D i love the rain, the wind, but not thunder and lightning.
and it's awesome to swim in the rain alright (: me like.

had an awesome day with connie, felt like we went back to sec1.
since my lover and her yeobo went on a movie date together,
we two decided to spend some great time together. /scandalous
haha we went for LUNCH @ macs together (finally my mcwings ^^)
we missed the valuelunch by 3mins okay D: whatever la :X
then we went for english remedial. i felt like we were back to sec 1,
you know, the times we sit side by side, and we just 自high. XD
oh then we went cca and went home together.
on the way back, we helped connie's mum tend the clinic for 10mins
it's so funny to see connie inside there managing the patients. LOL
i took photos of her :D gonna upload tomorrow or something.

家家有本难念的经..
we've been fighting this war for years,
and this is the turning point.

i guess, that cut simply portrays my heart.

bipolarity

2011-07-21T22:59:00.002+08:00

behind that glass panel

IKR, that polar bear's awesomely cute.

it's 11:11 now. it's a time i used to catch daily.
a time i fell in love with in april 2010.
but now, at this moment, this time reminds me nothing much.
nothing else than cherbaby smiling at me.
and probably the 11:11 messages you sent.

omg, my friend's being so awesome.
i see the phrase "go sleep" in nearly every text..
it's kinda making me feel sleepy though.
NAGGY.. tsk. :X hahaha.

watched harrypotter today, after hearing so much from sabby and gang
im so sorry weiling and sherry dears, but thanks for being so understanding (:
it was so awesome. i just didnt want the movie to end.
"NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH", i swear mrs weasley is awesome.
you know, i've always found bellatrix an amazing character
her hairstyle's like... super cool and unique.. hmm.
seriously, snape is just so loyal. i feel sad for him.

uh, you know, when a movie is great,
what makes it better is the people you're watching with.
HEHE. (: i shall NOT attempt to elaborate.
oh wait, i dont even have the intention to elaborate.
im not gonna share my happy story with you *hmph*

when you do the same thing to the different people,
you will get different reactions, and it shows different things.
he threatened to do nasty things if i did it again,
and you simply didnt say much, and really really gave me your concern.

i guess that's why the guilt's overwhelming.
i dont feel the same. i really hate feeling this way.
not gonna say how much it hurts, physically, anymore
cause i know you feel the pain 10times more, emotionally.
and emotional torture, is simply worse than physical torture.
i brought this upon myself anyway. im sorry i hurt you too.
as i said, if i were you, i'll say "go get a life then come talk to me"

it hurts every step i take.
it hurts every moment im awake.
it hurts so much that i cant bathe without tearing.
it hurts so much that every moment it's searing.
i want to tell you exactly how much it hurts,
and i know telling you would hurt you even more.

im so sorry im so selfish.
im so sorry im so brainless.
im so sorry, but really
thankyou for being able to accept this side of me.

it's 11.27, i told my friend i'd sleep at 11.30..

suicidal

2011-07-20T17:04:00.006+08:00

for life.

Walk home drowning these memories in the rain biting my lip to transfer this pain, your gone and I'm still going through withdrawals, next time around I'll build a stronger wall.

i remembered the last time i drenched myself in a heavy downpour.
i sat on that swing, half wishing lightning would strike me.
no, i wasnt there because you left. i had better reasons.
because you were holding to my phone, sound asleep at your house.
you created a barricade between me and the people around you.
that helplessness then, i'll never forget that period of time.
i saw you tore me apart with my very eyes. and i couldnt do anything.

hypocrite. yes that's exactly what you are.
im actually wondering if im just naive, or too innocent.
confessing everything to you, my brain must have lost it's function.
i forgot that you hadnt changed. you're still the same.
i see the whole picture now. i must've been blind.
to tell you what happened then without thinking.
yeah, the whole world seems to be waiting for that moment.
guess you guys must have celebrated once i've fallen.
my life is nothing, but a show for you guys to watch.
i've learnt the hard way, i'll never trust anyone again.

i've been to the bottom and now im going to rise up again.
i'll show you, that i am stronger than what you think.
lift up my head, dry my tears, im moving on.
piecing myself back again, healing the wounds inflicted by you.
for i know after this, im all in for the best in life.

im mentally sane. yes.
that's what im going to tell myself.
I. AM. MENTALLY. SANE. im alright, im fine.
yes. that's right. i am totally alright.
im fine, so dont worry, im totally okay.

you left a jagged hole..

broken hearts will never be the same again.

我说不痛，是骗人的。

im just building a wall around me, brick by brick,
im just building myself an armour, plate by plate.
i am just...... sane.

happiness

2011-07-18T15:35:00.006+08:00

autumn, my favourite season.

yeah, i dont know why, but i like pictures of autumn.
cause i like how the entire place turns ORANGE :D
"orange brightens up your day :D" - kellylow ^^
and i like it when it is coolinggg ~~

The best revenge? Happiness.
because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good fucking life

that's right. HAPPINESS.
what can make you feel more jealous
than seeing your ex leading a wonderful life out there
while you are still at that pathetic, filthy little corner,
forcing yourself to forget
and trying to walk out of the shadows of your past?

oh anyway, i wrote an expository for 'happiness'
and omg, i scored quite well eh! HAHA
i mean i expected a 15/30 or something.
and when it came back it was 19/30. :D
HEHE I THINK i've a talent for writing expositor :))

cher, you're so right. he's just jealous.
that explains the sarcasm. just to conceal his feelings.
he's just doing it, to pretend that he's ALRIGHT.

i'll work hard and pass my physics tomorrow.
im going to show you, that you are the cause for the drop of my results
im going to show you, that i can live so much better without you.
im going to show you, that im totally NOT affected by you anymore.
and i'll show myself, that you arent everything ^^

anyway, my phone bill FINALLY came. omg. i waited for so long -.-
there is a sharp, horrifying and jaw-dropping increase in my sms.
11554. hmm what a nice number! :D maybe my mama should buy 4D la.
my mummy say im addicted to 4D ._. cause i always see results with her.
LOL but i love my super lucky mummy. HEHE she always win. LOL
i like how i eat halfway then she look at me and grin HAHA :D

ohohoh! and my results are like rising stakes.
HAHA RISING SO STEADILY ^^ im so happy.
finally got a B4 for lit and ss ^^ i am a lucky girl.

at this rate, im gonna reach my aim! (:
IM OFF TO STUDY!!
for me, for you, for cher (:

113days.